


Watch Me Fix You

by JongdaesHighNote



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love, Multi, Open Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-05-25 12:24:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 40,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JongdaesHighNote/pseuds/JongdaesHighNote
Summary: When Baekhyun found himself going through something he had never imagined, he found himself in the company of someone who wanted to help him. What would become of the two broken souls?





	1. Prologue

Baekhyun and Sehun had been together for as long as their friends could remember.

 

They were the couple of their school. Everyone envied them. They were smart, they were good looking and they were perfect for each other. 

 

They hadn’t really known each other before their relationship, they hung out with different crowds and appeared to have nothing in common. But, according to anyone you ask, suddenly one day they were a couple and everyone was questioning why the two of them had never been considered a good match before.

 

Of course, if you ask the couple themselves, there was dislike between them at first. They both had this feeling of discomfort whenever the other was near and avoided each other as best they could. But a mutual friend, Jongdae, was in the midst of a crisis one day and it led to the two spending time together.

 

Through gritted teeth and dirty looks, they had managed to help their close friend through his problems and slowly, throughout the time they spent together, they had realised that maybe they were more alike than they thought. Maybe there was no reason behind their dislike for one another. After all, they had never even spoke long enough before to really develop this feeling.

 

They ended up exchanging numbers and talked often in the evenings after school, this developed into them hanging out at parks and coffee shops at the weekends. To the students at their school, they were not friends, they didn’t even talk, but away from the crowds of teenagers the two were becoming extremely close.

 

One night, Sehun did something Baekhyun had never expected. As they were laying on the grass, looking up at the stars and talking about the most random of topics, Sehun leaned over and kissed Baekhyun.

 

It was hesitant at first, Sehun was nervous and thought he had done the wrong thing. He wasn’t even sure why he did it, it had just felt so right.

 

But as he pulled away, feeling like he had just ruined a precious friendship, Baekhyun had pulled him back down. The kiss, gentle and tender at first, became deep and fierce. The two of them were releasing feelings into each other they were only just becoming aware of.

 

As they pulled away, hearts pounding, their eyes were glittering and their lips were grinning.

 

That was the beginning of Baekhyun and Sehun. Suddenly they were always together in school, their friendship groups had merged and the two were rarely seen apart. Whenever they were questioned on how they were suddenly together, they would smile at each other and say “things that are right always come to be.”

 

Now, 4 years down the line, that couple are still together. They graduated school and are in the final years of university. They’re just as popular in university as they were in school, even more so. Even the envy grew more, not many couples from school endured the struggles young adults face.

 

Baekhyun and Sehun were happy. Seemingly still in their bubble of joy and love. They had each other, they had their amazing friends and they were doing great in their courses. Appearances would say they had a great life laid out for them, they just have to keep walking the path.

 

But, of course, appearances are not always as they seem.


	2. Chapter 2

Baekhyun, half awake, rolled over in bed to snuggle up to his boyfriend. His arms dropped into emptiness. His eyes shot open and he saw nothing but blankets and pillows in front of him. He sat up and looked around the room to see no sight of Sehun.

 

Sighing, he got up from his bed and padded through to the living room. Still seeing no sign of the man he sought, he went through to the kitchen and started making his breakfast. He didn’t bother making any for Sehun since he knew he wouldn’t be back anytime soon.

 

After eating and showering, he got ready for his morning lecture and left his apartment. Sticking his headphones in and turning his music up loud, he walked to his university and swallowed the feeling of sadness that was trying to drown him.

 

This is how it had been lately, sometimes he would wake up and Sehun would be there, they would cuddle and laugh and be just how they used to be. But sometimes, he would wake up and Sehun wouldn’t be there, he wouldn’t see him again until later in the evening.

 

He had tried to talk to Sehun about it, but the replies he received were always vague, something about late night parties or impromptu gatherings of friends. Baekhyun was never sure which friends since the group they shared never had any idea where Sehun was either.

 

So, the smaller just accepted it. He stopped asking when Sehun disappeared and carried on with his days. He tried to ignore the feeling of dread, of loneliness. He wanted to show his friends that he was fine, that his relationship was fine. They were ‘the perfect couple’ after all.

 

He walked into his lecture hall and saw his best friend sitting in their usual spot. Walking over and dropping his books on the desk, he took a deep breath and took his headphones out. Sporting his best grin he sat down and looked at the man next to him. “Morning Dae, how are you?”

 

“Hey Baek, I’m good.” Jongdae smiled back, “do you know where Sehun is? I text him earlier but he didn’t reply.”

 

For a moment, Baekhyun’s smile faltered and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He coughed and looked away. “He’s in bed right now, he was up studying all night, I’m sure he’ll reply when he’s up, don’t worry.”

 

Jongdae could sense the unease in his friend’s voice and decided not to push any further. He could feel something had been going on for a while but he didn’t want to push it. He knew Baekhyun wouldn’t open up to him anyway and there was absolutely no hope in trying to ask Sehun. In fact, he hadn’t spoken to Sehun for a while. They still nodded when they saw each other across campus, they still chatted when the group gathered. But he hadn’t had a proper conversation just Sehun and him for at least a month now.

 

He didn’t know what was going on but he sure wanted to find out. Not because he was nosy, but because it was clear neither of his best friends had been happy recently and he wanted to fix that. He wanted them to be like they used to be. They used to be so happy you could see the glow radiating from them and it was impossible to feel down around them.

 

It hurt him to see Baekhyun so upset, and to see him trying to hide it so hard. He looked tired, lonely and sad. It broke his heart. He was completely lost at how to help though. The two had never needed any help before, for 4 years they had been perfect together.

 

He had a feeling though, his heart was telling him that this was Sehun’s doing. Something was going on with Sehun and it was breaking Baekhyun, it was hurting the boy so deeply.


	3. Chapter 3

Morning lectures came and went and after what felt like a life time, Baekhyun was finally free for the afternoon. He was going to go to the park, the one where Sehun first kissed him, he spent a lot of time alone there lately. He knew no one would find him so he liked to go there, listen to music and just get lost in his thoughts. Just as he was about to leave he got a text from Jongdae saying everyone was eating lunch together today and telling him to join them.

 

At first, he contemplated pretending he didn’t see it and going to the park anyway but he decided spending some time with his friends might cheer him up. Besides, he could always go to the park later.

 

He arrived at the field outside the cafeteria to see his friends all gathered in their usual spot. Eating, laughing, joking. He braced himself and walked over, not sure if he was fully prepared to pretend he was fine. He started walking over and then stopped. His eyes widened as he saw Sehun sitting in the group, smiling and chatting as if nothing was going on.

 

He was about to turn around and walk away but Jongdae spotted him and shouted. Sighing, he realised he had no choice, headed over to the group and slumped between Jongdae and another of their friends, Minseok. The conversation abruptly stopped as everyone turned to look at Baekhyun. It was out of character for him to not sit next to Sehun. In fact, usually he would push people out the way to make space for him next to his boyfriend.

 

Baekhyun just looked at them all and smiled. “I just thought you guys were all talking so I’d sit where there is space.” Of course, no one believed him but they decided not to push it and slowly the conversation picked back up again.

 

Jongdae leaned over to the smaller one beside him, “Baek, that’s not like you. We all know you’d shove someone out of the way to sit next to him. Are you sure you’re okay?” He whispered.

 

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine Dae, don’t worry. Just tired. I didn’t want to intrude. In fact, I kinda want some time alone right now.” Baekhyun stood up and picked up his bag. “Guys, I’ve got some things to do so I’ll see you all later, bye.” He turned around and walked away without waiting for a reply. He knew he was being rude but the moment he had turned his face, one solitary tear ran down his cheek.

 

No matter how much he wanted to be alone, there was a part of him that was wishing Sehun would follow him. That was hoping so hard that in a few steps he would feel those familiar fingers wrap around his arms. That they would pull him back into that warm body he loved so dearly. Those fingers would run though his hair and those soft lips he treasured would whisper apologies and words of love into his ear.

 

But of course, it didn’t happen. So he kept walking, numbly stepping along the paths until he reached the park. He trudged over to his favourite spot beneath a tree, lay down, stuck his headphones in and closed his eyes.

 

Only then did he allow the tears to flow at their fullest. He clutched his chest and silently cried, feeling his heart break. His mind full of confusion and sadness. But mostly, his mind was full of his love for Sehun. The love that had never faltered despite the pain he had felt the past month.

 

He didn’t know how long he had been lying there but the gentle breeze across his face and the fading sun in the sky slowly lulled him to sleep. There he lie, under the shade of a tree, long into the evening. The small, broken student who didn’t know what was becoming of his so called perfect life.


	4. Chapter 4

“Excuse me. Hey, are you okay? Wake up!” Baekhyun slowly heard a new voice surrounding his dream, the dream of better days. He felt himself being shook and slowly opened his eyes. He saw a man leant over him, a look of worry in his eyes. Baekhyun’s breath hitched, he hadn’t seen a look so genuine in what felt like forever.

 

He sat up and looked at the man, “I’m sorry if I worried you, I just came here to think. I’m not sure when I fell asleep.” He picked up his phone to check the time. 9 pm. “Oh wow, it’s so late.” He almost forget the presence of the man next to him.

 

The man sat down, “you should really look after yourself. Who knows what could have happened to you if I didn’t see you here. I thought you were injured or something. I’m glad you were just sleeping but this really isn’t the place to sleep on your own!” The man sounded worried for him and it made Baekhyun’s heart warm.

 

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep and I really didn’t mean to worry you. I’m sorry for taking up your time. You’re welcome to leave now, I will go home.” He went to stand up and leave but the guy grabbed his arm.

 

“Wait, don’t go yet.” He rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly. “Do you maybe wanna grab a coffee or something? I mean maybe you could do with something to wake you up a bit and I guess it looks like you might want someone to talk to who is a total stranger. It can help sometimes you know.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes grew wide. Who was this person who could see through him so easily? Before he could even think of saying no to having coffee with a stranger, he found himself saying yes and they headed off to the local coffee shop.

 

As they were walking he looked over to the guy next to him. He was exceptionally tall, even taller than Sehun. He had these big, sticky out ears that gave him a goofy look but he admitted they were also incredibly cute. His hair was fluffy and silver and was all messy over his head but Baekhyun felt like it would also look good styled. The guy was wearing black skinny jeans and a really baggy jumper. Baekhyun couldn’t help but think that he actually looked really cool.

 

“So, um, sorry for not asking before. But what’s your name? I guess I should know since we’re getting coffee together.” Baekhyun forced a chuckle out as he said it. Not feeling completely comfortable.

 

“Ah! I’m sorry, I should have thought about that myself. My name is Chanyeol!” He said this with the biggest, goofiest grin on his face. “What’s yours?”

 

“I’m Baekhyun.” He said, looking down at his feet as they arrived.

 

“Well, nice to meet you Baekhyun! I’ll go get our coffees and you can go sit somewhere if you want, what are you drinking?”

 

“Um, I’ll have an iced Americano please. I’ll just go sit over there.” He pointed to the corner before heading over. He took a deep breath and sound down.

 

_What am I doing? Why am I here with a stranger when I should be home trying to talk to Sehun. I can’t believe I fell asleep. I guess this is the least I can do for that guy since he woke me up. Who knows how long I would have stayed sleeping there. Chanyeol huh. He seems nice enough. Why is all this happening? What is Sehun doing? Does he not love me anymore? What am I going to do? I can’t live without him, he is my everything and he knows this. I will never love anyone but him._

 

As Baekhyun sat there, completely lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice Chanyeol come over and sit down. He placed the drinks on the table and looked at the person in front of him. He was incredibly beautiful, with his messy black hair. Chanyeol could see Baekhyun was completely lost in thought so he left him for a while and looked out the window. He sighed as he thought back to the past months of his own life.

 

“Hey, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol nudged the smaller, “sorry, I really didn’t want to disturb your thoughts, but it’s already been ten minutes. You want your coffee right?” His face sporting his signature grin again.

 

Baekhyun looked up at the other. “10 minutes? Gosh, you should have said something! I’m so sorry!

 

“No, it’s nothing. You obviously needed to think. But hey, you can always speak to me if you want. I may be wiser than you think.” He chuckled a little as the thoughts of his own failures ran through his mind.

 

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t want to trouble you. I haven’t even spoken to my best friend. I’m sure things will get better. Nothing could ruin this, right?” It was obvious to Chanyeol that Baekhyun wasn’t actually asking him this question so he let the conversation drop. The silence between them was comfortable as they drank their coffees and looked out the window.

 

Soon, rain began to fall. They both watched the rain drops trickle down the window, seeing the people on the streets trundle on by, umbrellas in hand. The glow of the street lamps making the scene very atmospheric. Baekhyun sighed again, but this time, it was a contented sigh.

 

Something about this situation was comforting to him. The scene outside was something he always enjoyed to watch, the guy next to him seemed completely happy with their silence and his coffee was perfect. For a moment, he almost forgot his troubles, he almost forgot how much he hurt, he almost forgot that he would have to go back to the apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

They sat there for almost an hour until a member of staff came over to apologise that the shop was closing. Standing up and putting their coats on, they both suddenly felt awkward. Was this it? Would they say goodbye and never see each other again? But, they had both felt so relaxed with each other.

 

Chanyeol decided to speak up, “I don’t want to sound creepy or anything, and feel free to say no, but maybe we could exchange numbers? We could do this again sometime and hey, I’m always free to talk if you decide you need it.”

                         

Baekhyun smiled, a real smile, “yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

 

They exchanged numbers and went to step outside. “Damn it, it’s still raining.”

 

“I have an umbrella on me, I could walk you home if you want? I don’t mind at all.” Chanyeol asked.

 

Baekhyun looked at his feet. “No it’s fine, you’ve done enough for me. I don’t live too far away anyway. Thank you so much for today, I appreciate it a lot. See you around.” He looked up and smiled at the taller before turning and walking away. He let that rain pour over his head, relishing in the freshness and not worrying if he ends up sick.

 

Then the rain stopped. Baekhyun looked up, confused at how abruptly the weather changed, and saw black fabric above him.

 

“Well, it would be my fault if you got sick now, wouldn’t it? I’m walking you home, I won’t take no for an answer.” Baekhyun turned and looked at Chanyeol in shock. He suddenly felt speechless and shy. He smiled and mumbled a thanks before slowly walking in the direction of his home.

 

The walk was silent and short. They soon arrived at the door to Baekhyun’s apartment building. “Well, um, thank you for walking me back, really. I hope you don’t live too far. Talk to you soon, I hope.” He gave Chanyeol a genuine smile and Chanyeol felt something familiar inside him.

 

He smiled down at the smaller. “It’s no problem and don’t worry, I don’t live far at all. I’ll text you tomorrow. Now go in, the rain is getting heavier.” Baekhyun nodded and turned around to walk in.

 

“Oh, and Baekhyun.” Baekhyun turned around. “I don’t know what you’re going through, but I truly hope things get better soon and you can be happy. No one deserves to feel so shitty.” The smaller blushed and smiled again before turning and walking in his building.

 

He walked up the stairs to his apartment and opened the door. He noticed a pair of shoes at the entrance that he had never seen before. Sehun must have a friend here. _At least he is home I guess. I wonder if I’m finally going to meet one of these new friends of his._

 

He took off his own shoes and wondered into the living room. Nothing would ever have prepared him for what he saw when he walked in that room. In the room that he and Sehun had decorated together. The room they had shared love and laughter in. The room they had discussed their futures in. The room where they had promised to never let each other go.

 

Sehun was sat on their couch, in their living room, in their apartment, with someone who wasn’t Baekhyun straddling him. With someone who wasn’t Baekhyun kissing him. Kissing him deeply and ferociously. Kissing him in a way that would clearly lead to other things.

 

Baekhyun dropped his bag on the floor. Instantly, Sehun stopped and looked over at Baekhyun. His face full of shock. “Baek…”

 

He didn’t have a chance to finish whatever he was going to say because Baekhyun turned around and ran out the door. He ran out of the building and into the pouring rain. He ran down the street and into the park that was supposed to bring him peace. As he ran, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, he didn’t know how he felt, he didn’t feel at all. He was numb.

 

Not looking where he was going, he ran straight into the back of someone.


	6. Chapter 6

Chanyeol was walking through the park, he lived on the opposite side to Baekhyun. He had his headphones in and was slowly wandering along the path, deep in thought about the guy he just met. He looked so small and fragile but Chanyeol was sure there was more strength than meets the eye.

 

Suddenly, he almost fell over as someone collided into him from behind. He shouted and turned around to see who is was, worried he was getting mugged. His eyes widened in shock as he realised the boy lying on the floor in front of him was Baekhyun.

 

“Baekhyun? What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” Baekhyun opened his eyes but didn’t say anything, he tried to stand up but he felt so weak so he gave up and stayed where he lay.

 

Chanyeol looked down at the boy on the floor and felt his heart sink, he looked so broken _. What happened when he got home? Why does he look so weak and broken? What do I do?_

 

A moment passed before Chanyeol made up his mind. He closed his umbrella and dumped it on the floor before picking up Baekhyun. Baekhyun didn’t even respond. Chanyeol looked at the man in his arms and sighed. “Come on, let’s go get warm and dry,” he whispered before heading to his own apartment.

 

They finally arrived at Chanyeol’s place and the taller fumbled through his pockets, trying to find his keys without dropping Baekhyun. He managed to get the door unlocked without disturbing the other and stepped inside. He slipped off his shoes and headed into the living room. Placing Baekhyun gently on the couch, he walked into the kitchen.

 

He decided to make some hot chocolate to warm them both up, after sticking the milk on to heat up he popped into the living room to see how Baekhyun was. The smaller was laying there, limp and staring at the ceiling.

 

“Baekhyun, you need to go and have a shower. I don’t know what happened and I know you’re hurting but you need a warm shower and to dry yourself off. I don’t want you to get sick. I have some clothes you can borrow, okay? Please, you need to look after yourself.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes shifted to Chanyeol, he slowly nodded and stood up. He didn’t speak a word but he let Chanyeol lead him to the bathroom. “Wait here, I’ll get you some clothes.” He came back a minute later with a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a top. “Here you go, I’ll have a hot drink ready for when you’re done. Just come through to the living room, okay?” With that he walked out the room.

 

He walked over to the kitchen counter and held his head in his hands. He didn’t know why, but seeing Baekhyun like this was hurting him so much. Stirring the milk, his mind was running riot and he couldn’t calm it down. _What am I going to do with him? He doesn’t even know me. Is he going to let me look after him? Has he got anywhere else to go? What happened when he went inside?_

 

The shower turned off just as Chanyeol had finished the drinks so he took them through to the living room and placed them on the table. He quickly checked his phone and realised he had a text from his best friend, Jongin. As he was done replying, Baekhyun walked into the room.

 

Chanyeol almost laughed out loud when he saw how big his clothes were on the smaller but he held it in, knowing this wasn’t the time. Baekhyun stood in the doorway, playing with his hands. “It’s okay, come and sit over here. I made warm drinks for us.”

 

Baekhyun awkwardly walked over and sat down, “why are you doing this for me? I’m so sorry for running into you, but you don’t have to go through all this trouble.” His voice was so quiet and timid.

 

“Honestly, you looked so broken that I had to. I couldn’t just leave you there and you clearly wasn’t going to be able to go home. I don’t mind, I’m here alone and I won’t do anything weird I swear. I don’t know what happened, but I do know what it’s like to need somewhere to escape to. I never had my escape so I’m more than happy to give you yours.”

 

Baekhyun nodded, not really sure what to say. He was still struggling to comprehend what was going on. _Who was that person? Why was he on Sehun? What the fuck is Sehun doing? Is this what he had been doing all those nights he didn’t come home? He has been cheating on me. Even throughout everything, it never even crossed my mind that he would cheat on me. We love each other, right? Love that will never fade. That’s what we always said. Never fade. But, did it fade for him?_

 

Lost in thought, Baekhyun didn’t hear Chanyeol saying he was going for a shower. As he felt the drink warm him up, he felt more and more sleepy. He didn’t want to sleep here when Chanyeol hadn’t specifically said he could. He didn’t want to be in the guy’s way. But before he knew it, his eyes had shut and he had fallen into a deep sleep on the sofa.

 

Chanyeol came out the shower to see Baekhyun fast asleep on the sofa. He chuckled to himself and walked over to him. “Come on, let’s get you into the bed. I’m sure you need it more than I do tonight. Look at you in these clothes, they make you look even more fragile. Someone clearly wasn’t doing their job of looking after you.” He picked Baekhyun up and walked into his bedroom.

 

He gently put the smaller on his bed and pulled the covers over him. He sat down for a moment and looked at the person lying in the bed. He stroked the hair out of his eyes and had a proper look at the face before him. He looked so much like someone. Like someone he wanted to forget. But Chanyeol knew, this wasn’t the same person, Baekhyun seemed so different.

 

He sighed and stood up to leave, just as he went to step away he felt those long, slim fingers wrap around his wrist. He heard a small voice come from the bed. “Please. Please don’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be alone again. Please.” He turned to look at Baekhyun, his eyes were still shut. Chanyeol knew Baekhyun wasn’t really talking to him however Baekhyun wouldn’t let go.

 

He considered releasing himself from the grip and walking away but the smaller’s face was so scrunched up and it looked like he was having a nightmare. So, he got into the bed and lay down. Baekhyun still held on to his wrist but his grip wasn’t so tight anymore. He wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing but he really felt like Baekhyun needed some warmth in the bed next to him tonight.

 

He stared at the ceiling for a while, wide awake, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep at all. It had been a very strange night. Slowly, without realising, he drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

As every morning, Baekhyun rolled over to snuggle into his boyfriend. He face nestled into the back of his love and he smiled, half awake. He wrapped his arms around the man next to him and snuggled in closer. His mind skipping over the fact that this body felt different. His mind skipping over the pain of yesterday.

He breathed in deeply through his nose, relishing in the scent of his boyfriend. His eyes shot open. This isn’t Sehun, this isn’t his smell, this isn’t his body. This. Isn’t. Sehun. 

Oh.

Of course it isn’t Sehun.

Sehun is probably cuddling that other guy right now. In our bed. They’re probably doing things we used to do in the morning.

Wait.

Why am I still hugging Chanyeol?

Baekhyun snapped out of his thoughts and removed himself from the (actually very comfortable and nice smelling) guy next to him and sat up. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

What happened yesterday? What is Sehun doing? Why would he do this to me? I don’t know if I can ever talk to him again. I feel so broken. What am I going to do? That’s my home. 

He looked at the man still sleeping in the bed. The man who had shown him such kindness despite being a stranger. He vaguely remembered asking him to sleep with him last night. He felt a small warmth in his heart as he thought of everything Chanyeol had done for him already.

I’ll make him some breakfast. I need to distract myself anyway and I should at least do something for this guy.

Standing up, he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He decided to make some pancakes. He didn’t want to eat any himself but he felt like Chanyeol would make him eat anyway so he made enough for two. He chopped some bananas and grabbed some blueberries, placing them both on the pancakes. As he was almost finished, he felt a presence in the room with him.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast Baekhyun, I could have done it.” Baekhyun looked up at the guy in front of him, he looked so cute all tired and messy from sleep. He quickly shook the thoughts out of his mind.

“It’s okay, I wanted to. It kept me distracted, and it’s the least I can do anyway. You let me stay here and borrow your clothes.” 

“Okay, well, they look delicious. Let’s eat!” They ate in silence and again, it was comfortable. Chanyeol had so many things he wanted to ask, but he knew it was best to leave it for now. The guy had clearly been through a lot and he didn’t want to push him.

After they finished, they cleared up together before heading into the living room. “So, are you a student?” Chanyeol asked.

“Yeah, I go to the nearby university. I’m studying music. How about you?”

Chanyeol looked in shock, “me too! Same university and I study music. I wonder why we have never met before.”

“R-really? Well, it is a big university. Plus, I don’t really hang around the music department often, if I’m not in classes then I’m usually at the dance department…” he trailed off. 

Chanyeol realised that much have hit a soft spot so he decided to try a distraction. If he studies music then that must be his passion, right? “So, do you play instruments? Or are you a singer?”

A light sparked in Baekhyun’s eyes. “Well, I’m mostly a singer, I adore signing but I do also play the piano, it accompanies my singing and sometimes it’s nice to just play. What about you?”

“I play a few instruments and I like to sing, although a lot of people would say I’m more suited to rapping, I really love rapping but I have been doing some vocal training recently since I love singing too. I think I’ve got much better.”

They both got lost in their favourite topic and ended up chatting for over an hour. They were laughing and smiling and truly enjoying themselves. Until Baekhyun’s phone started ringing. He picked it up and his face instantly dropped. Chanyeol’s expression twisted into one of concern.

Baekhyun put the phone back on the table and tried to ignore it but it wouldn’t stop ringing. “Sorry, I guess I have to answer this…” He stood up and walked into the kitchen. 

He braced himself and answered the phone. “Baekhyun? Baekhyun! Where the hell are you? I’ve rang everyone and they said you’re not with them. Look, please come home baby, let me talk to you. I just, I need to explain.”

“Explain what Sehun? What excuse do you have for what I saw last night? I love you Sehun, I love you so much. I truly believed you love me too.” He didn’t realise tears were streaming down his face.

“Baek of course I love you, you are my life. You know that. Come on, just come home and let’s talk this out. Please Baek.”

“No, I’m not ready. I don’t want to see you right now. How could you do that to me Sehun? How could you do that in our home? Did he stay the night huh? Did he sleep in our bed Sehun? Did he? If you didn’t love me anymore, you should have just said. I would have left.”

“Stop this, of course I love you.”

“You didn’t answer me. Did he stay the night?”

“…Baek…”

“Goodbye Sehun.” With that, he hung up the phone. He collapsed to the ground crying, he tried to stop but he couldn’t. That guy had stayed the night, in his bed, with his boyfriend. That was enough for Baekhyun to know it was over. He hurt, he hurt so much.

As he sat there and cried, he felt warmth envelop his body. He felt safe, strong arms pull him in and it only made him cry harder. He felt so comfortable and secure in those arms, but they were not the arms he yearned for. Even still, he clung to the person holding him tight and cried until he could cry no more. He cried until his body was beyond exhausted and those arms, they never let go. They held him tight until he could stay conscious no longer. They never tired out, they never loosened their grip and they never left him.


	8. Chapter 8

Baekhyun opened his eyes and saw nothing. A moment of confusion passed before he realised he was still clinging to Chanyeol. He tried to move but the arms around him were wrapped so tightly. “Ah, Chanyeol, I can’t breathe!”

 

“Oh shit, sorry!” He felt the arms release and he moved back slightly. He looked at the man than had comforted him and held him so gently. It was clear to Baekhyun that the other had also been crying. He sat forward and rubbed his hand across the taller’s cheek.

 

“Hey, are you okay? Why are you crying? What happened?” Chanyeol almost wanted to cry harder seeing so much concern pour from the broken boy. _How can he think so much about me when he has just had his heart broken? I heard him on the phone, he must be crushed._

 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. I guess I just got emotional about something for a moment. Anyway, I know this is a stupid thing to say, but I hope you are feeling slightly better after letting some of the pain out. I couldn’t help but hear what happened on the phone.”

 

Baekhyun opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. Honestly, he had no idea what to say. No, his pain hadn’t lessened at all, but when he was wrapped in Chanyeol’s arms he did feel safe and maybe, just maybe, he didn’t feel so broken. “I-I don’t know. I guess I have to talk about it. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to believe it.”

 

“I know, I know. But from experience, I know it is much better to let it all out rather than bottle it all up inside. You will end up exploding and hurting even more than you do now. I’m not making you speak, I’m just trying to give you some advice.”

 

Baekhyun thought for a moment and realised how right Chanyeol really was. He started to speak, he just wanted to explain what had happened the past month. But they ended up talking for hours. Baekhyun told Chanyeol everything.

 

He told Chanyeol of how he and Sehun had disliked each other. How they had become close. How Sehun had kissed him that magical night. He told him about their prom. About the day they first truly shared love, how perfect and gentle Sehun had been. About their graduation. About finally moving in together. About their beautiful dates and their stupid arguments. He spilled his entire heart to this man who had been so kind to him.

 

He wasn’t sure why he was doing it, but as he was telling his story, he was feeling some sort of relief that he was finally telling someone everything he had been through. But the whole time he was talking, a part of him kept thinking about the fact that Chanyeol had been crying too, Chanyeol was hurting too, and Baekhyun wanted to help that man that had been so wonderful to him.

 

By the time Baekhyun was done talking and done crying, the sun was setting. Chanyeol realised he had no food so they decided to go to the shop across the park to get something for dinner.

 

“You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need. You know that, right? I’m not just gonna send you back there when you’re not ready.” Chanyeol looked down at the smaller before he locked the door.

 

“Thank you, I don’t know what I did to deserve your kindness but I am so thankful. Honestly, I don’t think I could face my friends about this right now. I know I could stay at Jongdae’s but he’s so close to Sehun too. I don’t want him to be caught in the middle of this.” Baekhyun could feel himself starting to cry again.

 

Chanyeol gave him a quick hug. “Don’t start crying again, let’s get this shopping over and done with first. Come on.”

 

They walked quietly through the park. Baekhyun was feeling so anxious being so close to his apartment but he tried to hide it. But he knew Sehun would probably be out doing something else. Probably with that guy from last night, or maybe even someone different. Who knows what Sehun had been up to when he kept disappearing.

 

Just as they left the park and turned toward the shop they both heard shouting.

 

“BAEKHYUN! BAEKHYUN WAIT! PLEASE STOP!”

 

Baekhyun froze.


	9. Chapter 9

Chanyeol turned around to see a tall guy running up to them both. He assumed it must be Sehun considering how tense Baekhyun went at the sound of his voice. Chanyeol just wanted to grab Baekhyun and hold him tight but he knew that was probably the worst thing he could do right now.

 

Sehun reached the both and grabbed Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun flinched away. “Don’t touch me Sehun.” He said in a very low, quiet voice.

                    

“Baek, please, just let me talk. Just listen to me please.” Tears were running down both their faces and Chanyeol felt like he was in the way, but he didn’t want to leave Baekhyun alone. Sehun turned and looked at him. “Who are you?”

 

“Um, I met Baekhyun yesterday and he ran into me again last night. I let him stay at my place last night since he had nowhere else to go. Are-are you okay Baekhyun? I can go to the shop while you two talk if you want some time?” He looked down at the trembling boy next to him.

 

Baekhyun nodded slowly, “there’s no point avoiding it now” he whispered. So Chanyeol reluctantly walked away. He knew the two needed to talk, he also knew how much this would hurt Baekhyun and he was already hurting enough.

 

Baekhyun looked up at the love of his life. His eyes blurry from tears, his heart stuck in his throat. He couldn’t speak even if he tried. Sehun looked back down at him, his eyes full of pain and regret. Baekhyun couldn’t help but notice, amongst all the feelings in Sehun’s eyes, no matter how much he searched, he couldn’t see the same love that used to be there. The love that used to explode from Sehun like a supernova.

 

Baekhyun’s breath left him as he realised the truth. That Sehun really didn’t love him anymore.

 

“Baekhyun, please, just let me explain.” Sehun sounded pained, and it broke Baekhyun’s heart.

 

“Okay, say what you need Sehun, I will listen, I will always listen.” He managed to choke the words out as they sat on a bench nearby.

 

“I don’t even know how to explain. There’s no excuses, I know that Baek, I know. I just, I just woke up one day and it didn’t feel the same anymore. I still love you, so, so much. But, I needed something more. It’s shitty, I know. But there was this part of my mind that kept telling me that I’m young. I’m 21 Baek! Do you truly in your heart want to be with the same person you was with at 17? We don’t even know who we really are yet. We are not the same people we were back then. I don’t know. This breaks my heart too, you know? I love you completely, but it just didn’t feel like it was enough anymore.” He stopped for a moment and looked at the boy next to him, Baekhyun was sobbing and shaking. Sehun pulled him closer into a hug and the smaller didn’t resist.

 

“I’m sorry Baek. I thought if I went crazy for a while then it would show me how much I needed you, show me how much you was all I wanted. But it never seemed to work. I just kept finding myself back in those places. I would always come back to you, and I would be so happy and full of love, but there would always be this part of me that wanted more. Not that you aren’t good enough, you are perfect in every way, but part of me just doesn’t want to be settled down. I don’t know Baek, this is so fucked up and I ruined everything and I hate myself.” Sehun was crying hard now, both of them were. They were holding each other tight and letting their feelings out.

 

Baekhyun felt those arms he knew so well, he clung onto the chest that had become so familiar over the years. But it no longer felt warm, it no longer felt safe. It scared him. To think things had changed, to think nothing would be that same again. He knew this was truly the end and he couldn’t comprehend it.

 

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth. “Why did you have to bring him home Sehun? Is he your new boyfriend, or just a toy? I won’t blame you for not being happy with me anymore, it hurts so fucking much, but it happened. I just don’t understand why you had to bring him to our house.” He laughed quietly, “you know, so many thoughts were going through my head. But never once, never, did I truly think you was fucking someone else. I always thought you loved me enough to leave me first. I guess at least you are being honest now, right?”

 

“Oh Baek, you must have been hurting so much. I don’t know why I brought him home. I was just going to introduce him as a friend, to make you feel more at ease with where I was going. But you wasn’t there and one thing just led to another. Lu and I, we’re not a couple or anything, things have just happened a few times.”

 

Baekhyun felt some unknown strength wash over him in that moment. “Lu? Ha. So you did fuck him before you brought him to our home? Honestly Sehun, I thought you was so much better than that. I guess that’s just it. Honestly, I just don’t want to talk about it all.  If I’m not enough for you then it’s as simple as that.” He took a deep breath, “thank you Sehun. Thank you for the past four years, thank you for showing me how to truly love someone and for helping me find myself. I will never forget the love we shared and I will never forget you. I hope one day you can truly settle and truly be in love again. You are a wonderful person and you deserve it so much. And remember, there will always be a part of me that love you so deeply Hunnie. Goodbye.”

 

With that Baekhyun got up and walked away. It took all his strength but he knew he needed to do it.


	10. Chapter 10

As soon as he was out of Sehun’s sight, Baekhyun fell to the floor. He was so, completely lost. He knew nothing other than Sehun, 4 years of his life was enough to be settled. He has never even had a boyfriend other than Sehun. He truly believed they would be together forever, he never felt unhappy or confused. He had never felt like he was missing out on his younger years. He was honestly struggling to understand what Sehun had told him.

 

He loved Sehun enough to know that it was time to let him go. He wasn’t sure if his heart would ever heal, but he knew he had to let Sehun go. Sehun was unhappy and that was the last thing Baekhyun ever wanted to hear. So Baekhyun would let him fly free and hopefully, one day Sehun would find his happiness.

 

“Baekhyun? Are you okay? Why are you on the floor?” He felt himself be lifted up and looked deep into Chanyeol’s eyes.

 

“Sorry, I just, I had no strength in my legs.” He tried to smile but it wasn’t working, “it’s over now, I let him go. He can be free, free to do as he chooses and he can be happy I hope. That’s all I want for him. Even if it isn’t with me, I want him to find his true joy and to embrace it.” He didn’t realise he was holding Chanyeol, he didn’t realise he wasn’t even standing on his own.

 

“Come on, let’s get back to mine. You can stay as long as you need, okay?”

 

They walked back to Chanyeol’s apartment and made dinner together. After they ate and washed up, they sat on the couch.

 

“I know you don’t want to bother your friends, but you should talk to them Baekhyun. If they are truly your friends then they wouldn’t be bothered by it. I’m sure you aren’t a burden to them, but they deserve to know, right? Especially when you have skipped a day of classes without telling them why, don’t push them away, please.”

 

Baekhyun looked at him, amazed by how wise and honest Chanyeol is. He made so much sense and Baekhyun felt like he would be even more of a mess right now if it wasn’t thanks to this man next to him.

 

“You’re right, I should talk to Jongdae at least. I shouldn’t be avoiding him, I’m sure he’s worried out of his mind. Thank you for making me see sense.” He smiled weakly and picked up his phone.

 

Telling his best friend everything was harder than he thought, but he did it. The whole story, from a month ago until now. He explained everything he had been hiding. Jongdae sounded so worried the whole time and even told Baekhyun that he would come and get him, but Baekhyun didn’t want to leave this place. He felt safe here.

 

It was Friday so he told Jongdae that he would hide away for the weekend and he would be back in his classes on Monday. His best friend wasn’t too pleased but accepted it, he knew Baekhyun wouldn’t change his mind anyway.

 

After he hung up the phone, Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol who was staring into space. “Are you okay? Y-you look pretty spaced out. I’m so thankful for everything you have done for me and you know, I can be a good listener too, you seem to have a lot on your mind”

 

Chanyeol snapped out of it and turned to Baekhyun, “ah, don’t worry. Maybe I’ll tell you one day. I’m okay though, I just overthink sometimes.” He smiled at the smaller, “now, shall we get ready for bed? I can sleep on the couch tonight, I only stayed in the bed last night because you seemed to want someone next to you.”

 

Baekhyun blushed, “w-well, actually, I don’t want to be alone. I know it sounds stupid and I know I shouldn’t ask you since I literally just broke up with my boyfriend but it’s nothing sexual, I just want a body next to me. You know?”

 

A smile gleamed back at him, “I understand completely, don’t worry. I won’t take advantage of you. I understand how it feels to just want some warmth next to you.”

 

They both had showers and settled down next to each other in bed. Not touching and not talking. But they both felt comfortable and they both drifted off to sleep faster than they thought possible


	11. Chapter 11

Chanyeol woke up to the feeling of a body wrapped in his arms. For a moment, he thought he was living his past. He snuggled into the body he was wrapped around, falling back into a happy slumber.

 

A while later, he awoke again. His mind no longer hazy from sleep he realised it was Baekhyun he was holding so tightly. He thought about removing the smaller from his arms but when he saw how deeply Baekhyun was sleeping, how peaceful he looked, Chanyeol decided to just stay where he was. Something in his heart told him not to move.

 

He lie there, looking at the boy in his arms, praying that his pain would end soon. Begging that he would be able to move on. He may not have known Baekhyun long, but he knows the boy deserves more than the pain he feels, knows he deserves to feel happiness.

 

He stayed like that, looking at Baekhyun’s face for a long time. Soaking in the features of the boy and willing with all his heart that he can feel happier in the days to come. At some point, he realised the eyes in front of him had opened and were staring back. He almost gasped in shock.

 

“Are you okay Chanyeol?” A quiet, sleepy voice emerged from the smaller’s lips.

 

“Ah, yes, sorry. I just woke up and we were like this.” He laughed and almost cringed at how fake it sounded. “Should we get up?”

 

“W-well, do you think it would be okay if we just lie here for a while? It’s comfortable and I feel like as long as I stay here, I don’t have to face the reality outside this room.”

 

Again, Chanyeol completely understood what Baekhyun was saying. He tightened his arms around the boy next to him and nestled his chin into his hair. No matter how this scene may have looked if someone had walked in right now, both of them knew there was no romantic love shared here, just pure understanding, pure hope that it could bring the other some comfort.

 

Eventually they got up, they had breakfast and they found themselves sitting on the couch again. “So, you’re going back to classes on Monday? You’re going to need some things you know. Clothes and such. You’re gonna have to go back there Baekhyun. Maybe you could go at a time that Sehun won’t be there?”

 

Baekhyun took a deep breath, “I know, I knew I was going to have to but I was trying to avoid thinking about it. C-could you come with me? I don’t want to go there alone.”

 

“Of course, if it will help you get through it then I will be there with you.”

 

Baekhyun started playing with his hands, Chanyeol noticed this seemed to be a nervous habit of his. “You’ve done too much for me Chanyeol, I appreciate it so much but I can’t keep taking so much from you. After this weekend, I will find somewhere else to stay. Maybe I can stay with one of my friends.”

 

“If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you, but I also won’t make you leave. If you ever end up in a situation where you have nowhere to go, you can always come here okay? I will never shut the door in your face.”

 

Baekhyun decided to text Sehun before they went over. He really didn’t want to see his ex, he wasn’t ready to face him and acknowledge that they truly were over. His heart broken even more everything he reminded himself of the words he had said the night before.

 

Sehun replied saying he wasn’t there, but he wanted to see Baekhyun. He didn’t want to just end everything like this. Hell, in his heart he knew he didn’t truly want to end it at all.

 

“He’s not there, but we need to be quick because he said he wants to see me so he might go back. I don’t want to face him today. I don’t even know how I’m going to get through uni anymore, all our friends are the same and almost everyone knows about us being a couple.” Baekhyun started shaking again and Chanyeol pulled him close.

 

“Come on, let’s get this over and done with. We can worry about other problems when we’re back. You just need to deal with things one at a time for now, it’s the only way you’ll get through it.”

 

As they got their shoes and jackets on, Baekhyun couldn’t stop thinking about how Chanyeol was so helpful and could know exactly the right things to say. _What made him so knowledgeable about this? Did he go through this too? I can see pain in his eyes sometimes, he must be hurting. I hope he can open up to me one day, I want to help him. He is such a kind person, he shouldn’t be in pain._

They arrived at the door to Baekhyun’s apartment and Baekhyun froze. Never did he think he would be packing things here, packing things to leave. The only time he had ever thought he would be packing would be when he and Sehun decided to move, maybe into a house. He shook his head and breathed deeply.

 

“Here we go.” He whispered, almost inaudible but Chanyeol heard. He just wanted to hold the smaller’s hand to reassure him but he knew he shouldn’t.

 

They stepped into the apartment and instantly, Baekhyun broke.


	12. Chapter 12

Chanyeol caught Baekhyun before he fell to the floor. He knew there were no words for this moment so he just held him close, stroking his hair and shushing his tears. This whole situation was bringing back so many unbearable memories for him but he was holding strong for Baekhyun’s sake.

 

Eventually, Baekhyun pulled himself away, wiped his tears and walked into the living room. “Right, I need clothes, I need things for my course and some other things…” He trailed off as he looked around the room. _How can it look exactly the same yet feel so different? This isn’t my home anymore, I can feel it in my heart. I just want to leave._

 

He slowly started wandering around the apartment, packing odd things into bags. Mostly stuff he would need but he packed a few sentimental things too. He looked through his bedside drawer to grab the ring his mum left him when he was younger and he nearly broke down all over again when he saw the pile of letters at the back of the drawer.

 

The letters Sehun used to send him before they lived together. The letters of hope and joy and love. Postcards from when Sehun had gone on holiday with his family. The post-it notes Sehun would leave around the house for him with endearing messages, Baekhyun had kept every single one of them.

 

Instinctively, he reached up to his neck and pulled the necklace he was wearing out from behind his top. Tears spilled down his face as he realised it was time to take that necklace off. In the 3 years it had been since Sehun had given him that necklace, he had only ever taken it off to shower.

 

He pulled the items out of the drawer and walked through to the living room. Taking a deep breath, he placed the letters, postcards and notes on the table, took off his necklace and placed it on top. He wasn’t sure if Sehun was aware of the fact that Baekhyun had kept everything, but he wanted to make sure he knew.

 

Not because he wanted to cause Sehun more pain, he would never want that. But because he wanted to show Sehun how sincere and true and deep his love is. He wanted Sehun to know how sentimental he made him.

 

He looked up at Chanyeol who was sitting on the edge of the couch, looking at him with worry in his eyes. “Shall we go then? I’ve done everything I need to do here, I don’t want to be here any longer.” He said meekly.

 

Just as Chanyeol stood up and started to pick up Baekhyun’s bags, they heard the front door open. “Baekhyun? Are you still here Baek?” The voice was loud and breathless. Sehun had obviously ran from wherever he was.

 

He walked into the living room and stopped when he saw the two men standing in the middle of the room. “You’re still here, thank god. Baek, please talk to me. We can’t just be over like this.” He was crying, tears were also silently rolling down Baekhyun’s cheeks.

 

“I can’t Sehun, not yet. Just give me some time please. I’m going to stay with Chanyeol for the weekend and then I’ll stay with a friend.” His voice was quiet and trembling.

 

“Why are you staying with this guy? You don’t even know him Baek! Please, just stay here, let’s sort this out. I love you Baek, please.” As he was talking he walked over and held Baekhyun’s hands in his.

 

Baekhyun flinched away and grabbed the bags that Chanyeol hadn’t picked up. “No Sehun, just let me go. Also, I know Chanyeol enough by now that he wants nothing but to help me. This isn’t to do with you.” He turned towards the door, “goodbye Sehun.”

 

The moment the two had left the apartment, Baekhyun’s knees gave way. Chanyeol caught him before he fell and let the smaller cry onto his chest. Something that had happened many times the past few days. Chanyeol felt so much for the poor guy in his arms, he wiped the tears from his face. “Come on, let’s get back to mine okay. You can cry as much as you want there.” The words were whispered and gentle.

 

Once they made it back to Chanyeol’s, Baekhyun asked if it would be okay to have some time alone. Chanyeol of course agreed and told him to take as much time as he needed in the bedroom. After Baekhyun had closed the door to the bedroom, Chanyeol collapsed on the couch.

 

He let out a deep sigh. _How long can I do this for? How long can I act like I am fine watching someone else go through the pain I went through? The pain I’m not truly over. The pain still takes over. I don’t miss him as strongly anymore, but he still runs through my mind every minute. Ah Tae, I wonder if I will ever be able to see your face without breaking down. I wonder if we will ever talk again. I miss you Tae._

 

As he was lost in his thoughts, his phone started ringing. He sat up and answered without looking at the screen.

 

“ **Hey Yeol! We still coming over today yeah? You haven’t text me yet and we can’t break our tradition man.”**

 

“Oh, Jongin. Sorry I’ve been really busy with some things the past few days. Can I text you in a bit and let you know if we’re still on for tonight?”

 

 **“Yeah alright, be quick though. You know what Soo gets like.”** Laughter came out the phone speakers before Jongin hung up.

 

Chanyeol sighed, something he found himself doing a lot lately and stood up. He walked over to his bedroom and knocked on the door. He didn’t hear a reply so opened it slowly. “Baekhyun you didn’t reply so I’m coming…” He stopped when he saw the tiny, curled up ball of a person on his bed. He could hear the quiet sobs.

 

He rushed over and sat on the bed, pulling Baekhyun onto his lap. “Hey, it’s okay. Let the tears out but don’t do it alone, please. Don’t suffer alone. It will be okay, one day it won’t hurt so much I promise.” He continue softly saying soothing words whilst stroking Baekhyun’s hair. Eventually, Baekhyun’s sobs calmed down.

 

“I know you probably don’t want to deal with this right now. But it’s Saturday night and two of my friends always come over for the evening. They just asked me if we’re still on and I didn’t wanna break the tradition. Will you be okay? You can stay in here if you don’t want to socialise with them but maybe it would do you some good to hang out with new people? Take your mind off things.”

 

Baekhyun sat up and looked at the taller, “it’s fine, you shouldn’t push them away just because of me. I think I’ll hang out, taking my mind off things might be nice.” He managed to pull a weak smile. “I guess I should get ready though, I look a mess. Wow, I just realised I’ve probably looked like shit the whole time you’ve known me.” He laughed weakly.

 

“You look fine, don’t worry about it. But freshen up if you want to! I’ll just go text them to come over and make some food. Come through when you’re ready, okay?”

 

“Yeah, I will do.” Baekhyun’s smile seemed a little more genuine this time.

 

Once Chanyeol had made some snacks he took them through to living room and sat down on the sofa. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through Instagram, he’d totally ignored it the past few days, for good reason. He was only doing it now out of boredom, waiting for Baekhyun to be ready and waiting for his friends to arrive.

 

He heard a small cough and looked up. His breath stuck in his throat and he was lost for words. He had always thought Baekhyun was cute and pretty despite his distressed state. But right now, Baekhyun looked so beautiful. He was going to open his mouth and tell him without thinking but managed to stop himself in time. This wasn’t the time to be complimenting Baekhyun, he didn’t want to creep him out or something.

 

“You’re done? Come sit over here.” He grinned at Baekhyun and patted next to him on the couch. “It’s only 2 of my friends coming over, Jongin and Kyungsoo. It’s a thing we do every weekend, we just chill and have fun.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, “wait, Kyungsoo? The one from music?”

 

“That’s the one, do you know him?”

 

“We’re not close or anything, but he is in some of my lessons. He’s scary.” Baekhyun laughed and so did Chanyeol.

 

“He’s nice once you get to know him, Jongin turns him into a soppy mess. He does have that evil streak though, yeah.” They were both laughing together and continued chatting until they heard the door open.

 

“Yooooo, Yeol. Guess who’s here? How you doing man? Oh… who’s this?” Jongin walked in the room with Kyungsoo trailing behind him.

 

“Oh, you’re Baekhyun right? You’re in some of my lessons. I didn’t know you’re friends with Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo smiled at him, something Baekhyun had never seen before. He couldn’t help but notice how sweet the smile was, almost heart shaped. He smiled back and was about to reply but Chanyeol started first.

 

“We only met the other day, some things happened and he’s been staying here for a few days.” His eyes frowned slightly at his friends, telling them not to question it any further. “Anyway, he’ll be chilling with us tonight so be nice!”

 

Jongin walked over to the couch opposite to the two sitting, “no problem. Nice to meet you Baekhyun, I’m Jongin. Seems you already know my boyfriend here.” He pulled Kyungsoo down next to him then sat back and got comfortable.

 

The next few hours were spent with the four of them laughing, joking and chatting. For a while, Baekhyun felt okay. He managed to forget his pain and fully enjoy the night. He found himself to be really comfortable around these 3 other guys and to be completely at ease with Chanyeol next to him. There was only one other person he has felt so secure next to and he had just lost him.

 

Hours later, Jongin and Kyungsoo went home leaving Chanyeol and Baekhyun alone. It didn’t seem to affect the flow of the night for them though. They chilled on the couch, talking and laughing for a long time after. Once they got tired of talking they decided to settle down and watch a movie.


	13. Chapter 13

Baekhyun groaned and opened his eyes, his bones felt stiff. He lifted his head and realised the two of them had fallen asleep on the couch halfway through the movie. It was the first time he had woke up to find himself not cuddling the other since they had met. He looked over at the man sleeping next to him. Resting peacefully, Baekhyun he had to admit Chanyeol looked adorable when he was sleeping.

 

He stay where he was for a while, looking at Chanyeol and contemplating the past few days that had changed his life so drastically. He decided he should wake the other up and tell him to go to his bed, he didn’t want Chanyeol to be in pain in the morning. After standing up, he stood over Chanyeol and started nudging him. “Chanyeol. Come on, get up and go to bed otherwise you’ll hurt in the morning.”

 

Chanyeol’s face scrunched up and he shifted in his sleep. “Chanyeol.” Baekhyun tried again. The taller’s hand wrapped around Baekhyun and pulled him down onto the couch. Chanyeol snuggled into his back.

 

“I’m still sleepy Tae, let’s just sleep for a bit longer.” It was a barely audible whisper, but Baekhyun heard it and him mind started running riot. _Tae? Who’s that? Chanyeol’s boyfriend? No, I’m sure he would have been mentioned by now. Oh. Maybe he is why Chanyeol is so sad? Should I ask him about it tomorrow? I don’t want to remind him of his pain, but it is good to talk about things. He was the one who taught me that. Yeah, I’ll talk to him tomorrow._ Baekhyun once again, drifted off to sleep.

 

Chanyeol woke up abruptly, sweating and panicking. He sat up fast and heard a bang next to him. Dazed and confused, he had no idea what it was. “What the hell!” He heard the shout and recognised the voice instantly.

 

“Oh, Baekhyun, oh my god I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

 

Baekhyun stood up and pouted, “so first you pull me in and now you push me off huh?”

 

He was obviously joking around but it confused Chanyeol. “Pull you in? When did I do that? The last thing I remember was watching the movie.”

 

“Oh right. Well we fell asleep and I woke up at some point. I tried to wake you up to tell you to go to bed but you mumbled something and pulled me next to you. I guess I must have fallen back asleep too.” Baekhyun rubbed the back of his neck, remembering what it was that Chanyeol had mumbled. He knew he wanted to talk to Chanyeol about it but he wasn’t sure he wanted to do it as soon as he woke up.

 

Chanyeol stood up. “Sorry for pushing you away, I had a nightmare so I must have pushed you off when I sat up. Do you want a tea? I need a drink.” With that, he walked into the kitchen.

 

_Does he know what he mumbled? He completely avoided the subject. Maybe I shouldn’t mention it._

_What did I say to him that made me pull him down? I dreamt about Tae, I couldn’t have been anything about that, right? Maybe I should ask him._

“Um, Baekhyun?” He shouted through.

 

Baekhyun stood up and walked through to the kitchen. “Yeah? What’s up?”

 

“Well, um, do you know what it was I said last night?”

 

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I tried to wake you up and you said something about still being sleepy and wanting to sleep more and, um, you called me Tae.”

 

Chanyeol stopped what he was doing. _This is worse than I thought, I called him Tae? You’re so stupid Chanyeol, you’re not supposed to think about him anymore. You’re supposed to move on. That’s what he told you to do right._

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol’s frozen form, worry began clouding his mind. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But it seems like there is a lot on your mind. You can always talk to me if you need to vent, I will be happy to listen. You’re the one who told me that it’s good to let things out after all.”

 

Chanyeol took a deep breath. _Should I? He seems like he would understand more than anyone. I never even managed to tell the whole story to Jongin because I would get too upset_. _Maybe it would take his mind off things if I told him? And hey, maybe it would make me feel better to finally let it all out?_

“He’s my ex. We broke up just over 2 months ago when he cheated on me. We had been together for around two years and he completely broke me. We were so happy, no issues at all, he didn’t show any signs of being unhappy with me. Then, one night, he hadn’t come home yet so I rang him. He must have accidentally picked up the phone because I, I heard him having sex with someone else. I hung up the phone straight away, refusing to believe it happened. When he got home, he was totally normal, as if he wasn’t just fucking some other guy. He was all cuddly and kissy, and even tried to start something sexual and I just lost it. I started shouting at him, stupid things about how I thought we were in love but he was just running off shagging other guys.”

 

Tears were running rivers down his face and he could feel the relief in his heart and he was finally telling his story. Baekhyun was sitting next to him, silently listening, understanding and sympathy in his eyes. “He lived here with me back then, but he left that night. I was here on my own, surrounded by everything we shared, it was so painful. I missed a whole week of classes and just hid here. Then, I finally decided to get up and go one day. He must have known I had finally gone back to studying because when I got back that evening, all of his things were gone. Everything, he just completely wiped himself out of my life.”

 

He took a deep, shaky breath. “The first time I saw him on campus, I tried to talk to him. I ran up to him and asked him to just talk things out with me. He just said he was done with me and there was nothing to talk about. When he turned away, I heard him whisper that he was sorry, I know he doesn’t think I heard him, but I did. That was the last time I spoke to him. I didn’t go up to him at uni anymore and he avoided me as best he could. He started hanging out with a whole new group of people, I guess one of them is the guy he was sleeping with but I never paid enough attention to find out. He moved on with his life so I forced myself to do the same. I’m not truly over him, but I can carry on with my life now, I manage to get through every day.”

 

He bitterly laughed. “The funny thing is, I just hope he is happy. Even if that isn’t with me, I just want him to be happy, you know? That’s probably why I let him go so easily, it was all fake for him, I don’t even know if he ever truly loved me. That’s what hurts the most. He left me so broken and even though he whispered sorry that day, I’m not sure I believe him.”

 

“Oh, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun pulled the other into his arms and was stroking his hair. “You really did love him, huh? You shouldn’t have kept this in for so long, it’s burdened you so much. I’m glad you have finally let some of it out. Maybe you will start feeling some peace now.”

 

“Yeah, I hope so. I truly think I’m ready to let it all go now. I can’t live the rest of my life so miserable.”

 

“I’m sure the right person for you is out there somewhere. I hope that he hurries up and comes to you soon.”

 

Chanyeol sat up and chuckled. “Me too, maybe I will finally feel free when I have the right person in my arms.” He ignored that familiar feeling in his chest when he said that.


	14. Chapter 14

Baekhyun opened his eyes and resisted the habit to roll over. He knew by now that Sehun wasn’t going to be there. He could smell coffee brewing and food cooking, he had always been one to follow his nose so he immediately stumbled out of bed and walked through to the kitchen.

 

Chanyeol had woke up early and decided to make them both breakfast before they had to go to their classes. He wanted Baekhyun to have something proper to eat on his first day back at classes, knowing how hard it was going be for him. He was humming to himself as he cooked, feeling like a part of him that had been lost for so long was slowly returning.

 

He heard a shuffling behind him and turned to see Baekhyun at the doorway, yawning and rubbing his eyes, clearly not realising how ridiculously adorable he looked. Chanyeol’s heart skipped a beat but he ignored it, putting it down to his excitement at feeling like his true self was returning. “I was going to wake you up when I was done, you could have rested for a bit longer.”

 

“I can’t help it, the smell of food and coffee got me out of bed. If anyone ever wants to get me up, they know all they have to do is cook some food.” Baekhyun grinned as he was talking, sitting himself down at the table.

 

Chanyeol chuckled, “noted.” He began serving their breakfast onto plates. “Well, here you go. Perfect breakfast for a long day of lessons. Bacon, sausages, eggs, tomatoes and toast. Oh, and of course a cup of coffee, because what is a morning without a cup of coffee?”

 

“Wow, you made so much! It’s perfect, thank you. Just what I needed today.” They both ate their breakfasts before getting ready for the day. When they were done they still had a while before they had to leave so they sat down for a bit, Baekhyun worrying about how he will get through the day ahead and Chanyeol worrying about how much he will be able to look after the broken person in front of him.

 

Chanyeol looked over at Baekhyun, “are you going to be okay today?”

 

The smaller lifted his eyes, the most beautiful shade of brown drowning in worry. “I should be, I have my friends and Sehun is in a different department than us so I might not see him at all.”

 

“Okay, well if you need anyone at all throughout the day and your friends are busy, just ring me okay? I’ll come and take you away, somewhere no one can upset you.”

 

Baekhyun smiled, “yeah, thank you Chanyeol. You’re too kind”

 

“So, are you going to a friend’s tonight? You’re more than welcome to stay here if you can’t find anywhere, you’re not imposing at all.”

 

“I was going to ask Jongdae, I’m sure he will let me stay since he lives alone and doesn’t have a boyfriend or anything.”

 

The time finally hit half eight so they picked up their bags and left Chanyeol’s apartment. They walked together, laughing and chatting along the way as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on in their lives. But as they approached the entrance, Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun getting tense.

 

“You’ll be okay, I know you’re strong inside. You’ve got lots of friends in our department so I’m sure you’ll never be alone. Just ignore people if they start being nasty or asking loads of questions. Remember you don’t have to provide answers to everything okay?”

 

Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol and smiled. Chanyeol’s words truly did make him feel better. They never seemed to fail at calming his heart.

 

“BAEKHYUN! BAEK WAIT!”

 

The both of them turned around to see where the shouting was coming from, Baekhyun of course already recognised the voice and saw his best friend running toward them. “Hey-.” He didn’t have a chance to finish his greeting because Jongdae took the breath out of him, scooping him into a giant bear hug and almost toppling over in the process.

 

“Damn it Baek, don’t just disappear like that again. I know you spoke to me but I was so fucking worried. Wait till I see that arsehole.” He noticed the tall guy standing next to Baekhyun, “I take it you’re the guy Baek has been with?”

 

Chanyeol smiled, “yeah, hi, I’m Chanyeol, it’s nice to meet you. I assume you’re Jongdae?”

 

“The one and only! Nice to meet you Chanyeol, thank you for looking after this little baby for me. He always feels like he’s a burden to me for some reason when he’s totally the opposite.” Jongdae gave a fake glare to his best friend.

 

“It’s no problem, it just kind of happened that way. I didn’t mind him being there, I kind of went through a similar situation myself so I guess I could connect with him and understand his feelings.”

 

Their conversation was halted by a sarcastic cough, “I’m right here you know. Come on Dae, we’ll be late for class. Do you have one now too?” He looked at Chanyeol who nodded in reply.

 

“I’ll walk over with you both since I’m in the same department.”

 

They headed over and separated when they got to the music department. It was the first time in days Baekhyun hadn’t been with Chanyeol and it made part of him feel strange. He had already gotten used to the taller, his way of speaking, his laugh, his mannerisms. It was weird to think but he felt like they had been friends for years, when in reality they had met less than a week ago.

 

The first few lessons went by really slowly, time seeming to pass twice as slow as it usually does. He avoided talking to Jongdae about everything that happened, he wasn’t ready yet and he ignored all the whispers and stares like Chanyeol told him to. When he realised it was finally lunch time he felt panic rise up inside him. He hated feeling unsure of things and for the past few years Sehun had always been by his side to settle his nerves and take control when he felt overwhelmed.

 

_Where am I going to eat lunch? Is Sehun going to be with everyone else? I can’t face him yet and I can’t make Jongdae eat on his own with me. I can’t be selfish just because I’m hurting. Maybe I could ask Chanyeol if I can eat with him. Would he mind? His friends seemed nice. Would Jongdae be upset if I ate with other people? What should I do? I hate this so much._

 

He could feel his panic increasing, it had never been this bad before. There was always a set group of friends for him to hang out with and there was never any awkwardness between them all, but now he and Sehun were no longer together he knew it would bring a lot of complications. He knew every part of his life was going to change.

 

As they walked out of the classroom, Baekhyun hesitantly stopped Jongdae. “Um, are you eating with everyone else? I was just, well I was gonna ask to eat with Chanyeol if you didn’t mind? Since I don’t want to drag you away from everyone but I know I can’t eat there, I mean, he might be there right? I can’t do that today.”

 

Jongdae looked at him with sad eyes, “I get it Baek, no one would expect you to be okay around Sehun right now. I’m not sure if he will be there, I would be happy to eat alone with you but that Chanyeol seems like a nice guy and you seem to be comfortable with him, if you want to eat with him then you should. You just need to do what’s best for you right now. I know you hate putting yourself first, but this is one of those times in life when you really need to.”

 

Baekhyun felt so touched in that moment, Jongdae had been his best friend since they were children and they knew each other so well. He knew Jongdae could truly see how much Chanyeol had helped him. “Thanks Dae, really. Everyone has had such wise words recently. I’ll just text him then I guess, do you mind waiting with me until he replies? I don’t wanna be on my own here right now.”

 

Just as he finished his sentence, he saw Chanyeol walk around the corner with Kyungsoo and someone else who he didn’t know, they were all laughing at something Chanyeol had just said. “Oh, well he’s right there. I guess I don’t need to text him. But he’s with friends, should I still ask him Dae?”

 

“Go for it. I’m sure he won’t say no, he’s been so kind to you Baek.” Baekhyun blushed and looked over to Chanyeol who was walking down the corridor, getting closer. He suddenly felt really embarrassed, despite everything they had been through together already, they had never hung out at uni before. It made Baekhyun feel anxious. He knew Chanyeol had told him to contact him if he needed his presence, but he didn’t want to impose when the other was with his friends.

 

Chanyeol spotted him as he got near. A big grin crept up his face and he stopped next to the two friends. “Hey Baekhyun! What you doing for lunch? Are you chilling with Jongdae?”

 

“Well, um, actually I was going to ask if you didn’t mind if I ate with you. I don’t want to pull Dae away from all our friends.” He stuttered his way through the sentence, for some reason his brain was telling him that he was stupid and why would Chanyeol want to eat with him in public. He had gone from half of the cutest couple in school to some pathetic loser who is all alone. Who would want to be seen with him?

 

“Sure you can eat with us!” Chanyeol’s deep voice almost made him jump, “it’s no problem, right guys?” He asked, looked at Kyungsoo and the other guy, who shook their heads. “Jongdae can go eat with everyone else today, we don’t mind.” Baekhyun felt relief wash over him and smiled back.

 

“Well I’ll head off then, look after him Chanyeol and I’ll see you later Baek.” Jongdae gave Baekhyun a quick hug before heading off toward the canteen. Usually, Baekhyun would feel really awkward and out of place right now with the 3 guys but Chanyeol’s smile and happy personality were so contagious. His presence was ever comforting.

 

“Introductions I guess, this here is Junmyeon, he’s in music too. You know Kyungsoo already.” Baekhyun said hi to Junmyeon and introduced himself, he seemed really nice from what he had seen in this brief moment. _He has a caring aura about him. Chanyeol has such a good group of friends, he might not have opened up to them about everything he went through but they clearly still cared for him well._


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm sorry this chapter is short again, I was merging chapters together and I just couldn't make this fit with the next one. The next chapters will all be double this at least though. >< Thank you for reading! **

 

 

 

They headed off to the cafeteria to grab some food before walking on to the field. Baekhyun stopped before he stepped on the grass. He knew almost everyone ate here but for some reason the thought that he would still be eating here never passed through his mind. He might not be in the same group, but it’s still the same area and he still might see Sehun. _I can’t do it._

 

Chanyeol noticed the other was no longer next to him and turned. He started speaking in a soft voice, “come on, it’ll be okay, you can always use me as a shield if you see him. You still gotta eat your lunch, right? Wherever we sit, sit with your back towards those guys, then you don’t have to sit there in sadness because he’s in your eye line. It’ll be okay.” The words did make Baekhyun feel more relaxed and he felt confidence grow in him.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll be fine.” He smiled, “so, where do you guys normally sit?” Chanyeol pointed and they walked over. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon were already sat down, Baekhyun saw Jongin was there, already clinging to Kyungsoo and there was some other guy with them. Baekhyun recognised him from somewhere but he couldn’t place his finger on it. The two sat down next to each other and Baekhyun made sure he sat so his back was toward his usual group like Chanyeol has suggested.

 

“Oh right, Baekhyun this is Yixing, Yixing this is Baekhyun, he’ll be eating with us today and maybe sometimes in the future.” They smiled at each other and said hey. _Yixing. Where have I heard that name before?_ He sat there thinking for a while whilst eating but his ears perked up when he heard Jongin and Yixing chatting animatedly about dance.

 

 _Oh! He was Sehun’s dance partner for a performance last year, I never actually met him but I saw the performance. Seems the dance and music people like to chill together._ He chuckled to himself and Chanyeol turned his head, “something funny?”

 

“Ah, nothing. I just realised Yixing was Sehun’s dance partner in a performance last year. I knew I recognised him from somewhere.” He gave a really fake laugh, trying to make it seem like he was being cheerful but Chanyeol frowned at him.

 

Yixing perked up, “Sehun? Yeah I danced with him last year, he’s such a great dancer. That guy can really move and he’s got such great dancers legs…” He stopped his talking when Jongin punched his arm, shouting at the pain.

 

“Damn it Yixing, you’re such a fool. Touchy subject, okay?” Yixing looked confused and glanced over to Baekhyun who was looking at the ground as if he was about to cry. Guilt running through him as he realised he’d said something wrong.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I don’t know anything. Honestly, I’m so slow at these things. I always say the wrong things damn it.”

 

Baekhyun looked up at Yixing and smiled, “it’s okay, I didn’t expect everyone to know. You don’t need to apologise.”

 

Chanyeol watched this whole thing with concern, he leaned over to Baekhyun. “Hey, do you wanna go somewhere else? I know a place where there isn’t a lot of people.”

 

Baekhyun looked up at the other wide eyed, “you know what, I’d really like that. If you don’t mind of course?”

 

“You know that it’s fine.” He raised his voice above the whisper it was, “guys, we’re gonna head off somewhere else, see you later, yeah?” Everyone said bye and the two started walking across the field. Chanyeol wasn’t aware that where he was headed meant going past Baekhyun’s friends, he also didn’t see Sehun sitting amongst them. He felt Baekhyun suddenly grip his arm tightly, he could hear the other’s heavy breaths. He looked around and that’s when he saw the group. _Shit._

 

“Hey, hey, Baekhyun, it’s okay. This’ll be quick, we’ve just gotta get past them. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think that we might have to cross paths with him.” He cursed at himself and Baekhyun looked up at him.

 

“I just, I just didn’t expect it to be this hard. I feel like all the air has left me. Like there’s no strength in body to even take another step.”

 

“I know, I do. Come on, it’ll be fast, I promise.”

 

Soon enough, they had escaped through a hole in the fence at the back of the field and were surrounded by trees. They sat down in a small clearing and Baekhyun sighed loudly before lying back, Chanyeol joined him. They both lay there for a while, gazing at the clouds and feeling the most content they had all day. Feeling as calm as ever in each other’s presence.


	16. Chapter 16

A week passed. Baekhyun was staying at Jongdae’s place whilst spending a lot of his free time with Chanyeol, he was becoming closer to Chanyeol’s group of friends and he was really enjoying getting to know them. Twice that week, he had eaten lunch with the group he had known since school, Sehun was off doing other things and Jongdae had called him over.

 

His friends had missed him greatly and he had missed them just as much. Of course, they were more than understandable about the situation and didn’t once bring it up. They just chatted and joked with Baekhyun as if nothing had happened. Baekhyun appreciated that more than they knew, he didn’t want to be a spectacle, he didn’t want people to stare at him and feel sorry for him. He didn’t want loads of questions and worried looks. He just wanted to move on with his life as best he could.

 

He hadn’t bumped into Sehun at all, he saw him around a few times but immediately turned around and walked the other way. Sehun was usually with people who Baekhyun didn’t know, but he knew they were the party animals of the university. He hated the thought of Sehun suddenly living this crazy, intense life but he kept reminding himself that if that life is what Sehun wants and what makes Sehun happy, then he himself should be happy for his love.

 

He had had many painful moments during that week. Chanyeol was there through all of them, Chanyeol was able to notice before Baekhyun really broke and he would whisk the smaller away from wherever they were. He would whisper calming words to Baekhyun whilst he directed them both to the clearing in the trees. This had become their space, their escape. It made them both feel calm and settled, it didn’t stop Baekhyun’s tears from flowing, but it did help him calm faster. Chanyeol’s comforting words and gentle arms would also help settle his heart.

 

By the end of the week, Baekhyun knew that he and Sehun would never fix what was broken, they could never go back to how they were. He always held some hope in his heart before that. Despite telling Sehun that it was over and goodbye, he had hoped that it would not end so abruptly, he had hoped it would not end at all. That one day Sehun would come running up to him and embrace him, Baekhyun knew if Sehun did that then there was no way he could say no.

 

But after a week of not seeing Sehun at all, he knew. Deep in his heart, he just knew. So, he did the last thing left to completely split them up. He looked for a new apartment. He and Jongdae had looked around at a few and they found one on the other side of the park to where he used to live, on the side where Chanyeol lives. It wasn’t in the same building as Chanyeol but it was the one next to it. He hadn’t aimed to get one so close to Chanyeol but it happened to work out that way. Secretly he was pleased, he was glad to be living so close to the man who had helped him through it all.

 

He spoke to his teachers and managed to get the Monday and Tuesday off so that he could move all his belongings to his new home. So there they were, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongdae, Minseok and Junmyeon. They had helped Baekhyun pack his boxes in the morning and move them to the truck, now they were lugging the boxes up the stairs into Baekhyun’s apartment. He was thankful he had such a nice group of people who were more than happy to help him out. He knew he wouldn’t have managed on his own.

 

As he started looking through the things he owned, he realised how many things he was really missing. Joint items like furniture he had just left at the old apartment, he didn’t want all those memories. _I really don’t have much stuff, this place is going to be so empty when it’s unpacked. I don’t have a bed or a couch, I don’t even have a damn bookshelf. I wanted to make this place my new home, I wanted it to feel like home and feel perfect for me from the first day but I should’ve known that’s not how things work. It takes time to make a home, to fill it with memories and to encapsulate the essence of yourself within four walls._

 

“What you thinking Baekhyun?” He turned around to see Chanyeol bringing another box into the apartment. He sighed.

 

“I don’t have anything Chanyeol. Look around, I might have clothes and books and stupid ornaments and shit, but I have no furniture. I don’t even have a bed. What am I going to do? I don’t even feel like I can ever make this place feel like home.”

 

Chanyeol put the box he was holding down with all the other boxes and walked over to Baekhyun, “we’ll get it sorted, don’t worry. What about your parents? Can’t they help?”

 

Chanyeol heard Baekhyun’s tongue click in response. His voice turned bitter. “They won’t help me.” He stood up and walked to the door to go and grab another box, “it’s okay, I have some savings, I didn’t have much need to spend my money once Sehun and I were settled, I can get things. I’ll get a bed tomorrow, it won’t kill me to sleep on the floor for one night.”

 

He went to walk downstairs but Chanyeol grabbed his arm, “don’t be stupid Baekhyun, just stay with me tonight.”

 

“Will you two stop jabbering and help us the hell out!” Jongdae came stomping up the stairs with a heavy box.

 

“Sorry Jongdae, just worrying about things.” Baekhyun muttered before going down the stairs. Jongdae raised an eyebrow at Chanyeol.

 

“Look around Jongdae, he has no furniture. I don’t think he really thought about that. He said he’ll get some bits tomorrow so I told him to just stay at mine for the night. Apparently he has some money saved up.” Chanyeol shrugged.

 

“Yeah, he was always good at saving since he doesn’t have his parents to fall back on in an emergency. I suppose this situation just proves him right.” Jongdae huffed as he put the box down and saw Chanyeol looking at him questioningly. “I won’t tell you the story of his parents, that’s down to him. I’m surprised he hasn’t though considering how much you two have shared already.”

 

“It’s okay, he’ll open up if and when he’s ready. Let’s go help.”

The evening crept up on them quickly and they all found themselves sitting on the floor in the living room of Baekhyun’s new apartment, chatting away. They ordered some pizza and Junmyeon went to the shop to get some alcohol. Baekhyun wanted the first night he had his apartment to be fun, even if he wouldn’t be sleeping there yet.

 

They sat in a circle, eating and drinking. They told funny stories from when they were younger and within a few hours they were all pretty drunk. At one point, they were playing music on their phones and dancing around like maniacs, tears in their eyes from laughter. At another point they were playing party games from when they were kids, giggling like they did all those years ago and wishing times were that simple again.

 

Later in the night, when they were all sat down again, Chanyeol nudged Baekhyun, “Hey, hey, look at those two lovebirds.” Baekhyun followed Chanyeol’s eyes and saw something unexpected.

 

Jongdae and Minseok were kissing.

 

“Guys oh my god, you are way too drunk.” He started laughing and the two pulled away from each other laughing.

 

Jongdae looked at his best friend, “well, we just thought, why not? It seemed like a good idea.” Minseok blushed whilst still giggling.

 

“You two I swear, you should not get drunk.” Baekhyun said between his laughs. Despite his laughter, Chanyeol had a feeling that this wasn’t just because they were drunk. He had observed the two together all day and there seemed to be unspoken feelings between them. He had hope in his heart that this night would be their stepping stone to something better.

 

Junmyeon suddenly stood up, “well, it’s been a great night but I had better get home now. Some of us are going to have to suffer through classes in the morning you know.” He put on his jacket and grabbed his bag and looked at Jongdae and Minseok, “it’s been nice getting to know you two today, we should do this again sometime! Bye everyone.”

 

They all said goodbye with drunk hugs and giggles. Jongdae and Minseok left soon after since they too had lessons in the morning. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were alone again.

 

“Shall we head back to mine then? As much as I can’t be bothered, I don’t fancy sleeping on the floor.”

 

Baekhyun grinned and held up the rest of a bottle of vodka. “Well, we should finish this off first.”

 

“You’re hopeless Baek.” Chanyeol laughed and poured them both a drink.

 

“That’s the first time you’ve called me that you know. We seem so close yet we’re always so formal with names.” He took his drink from Chanyeol and took a sip.

 

“Well I didn’t know if you would want me to, but I’m drunk so fuck it!”

 

They finished off the alcohol and headed back to Chanyeol’s, Baekhyun ended up clinging to Chanyeol for the short walk since he had no balance and it took all of Chanyeol’s strength to hold the other up being just as drunk and just as disorientated.

 

Chanyeol successfully unlocked his door and they both stumbled in. “Too bed!” Baekhyun exclaimed and they ran to the bedroom. They couldn’t be bothered to get sorted properly for bed so they took their jeans off and jumped into the bed.

 

“Ahhh, so comfy.” Baekhyun said, wiggling around.

 

“Yeah, it really is. Make sure you get a bed as comfy as mine, okay?”

 

“Mmm, I will.” There was a pause. “Thank you Chanyeol.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For making my pain feels less real, for making me feel normal. You give me hope that one day I will be happy again, you know?” They started into each other’s eyes for a while, neither realising how lost they were getting in each other.

 

“That’s alright Baek, honestly. I guess I came by at the right time and I’m thankful for that. You mean so much to me already…” He was cut off by soft lips being pressed against his.


	17. Chapter 17

Chanyeol felt like his heart stopped. Baekhyun was kissing him. He got lost in the moment and kissed back. His hand moved up to Baekhyun’s face, caressing his cheek. They deepened the kiss and were soon gasping for air. Baekhyun climbed on top of Chanyeol and lent back down to continue, his fingers running through the taller’s silver locks. Chanyeol let him, mind clouded with alcohol and need, he relished in the feeling of Baekhyun’s smooth skin under his fingers, electricity shooting through his fingertips.

 

Baekhyun started grinding himself against Chanyeol, moaning into the kiss and Chanyeol’s mind snapped back to reality. He pulled away and Baekhyun looked at him. “Baek, we’re drunk. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

 

Baekhyun blinked, “but I want to Chanyeol, I feel something so deep for you and I don’t even know what it is. But doesn’t this feel right?”

 

Sighing, Chanyeol looked into Baekhyun eyes. “Of course it does Baek, of course it does. Shit, I probably want this right now more than you do. But now is not the time, I’m not going to do this when we’re drunk. You’re still so raw Baekhyun, you’re not ready for something new and you know it. You know it Baek.” He stroked Baekhyun’s cheek and saw tears falling from his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry Chanyeol.”

 

“No, I’m sorry. I should have stopped you straight away but I couldn’t help myself. Let’s get some sleep, we have lots to do tomorrow.”

 

Baekhyun crawled off of Chanyeol and snuggled in the covers, his back facing Chanyeol who could hear the sobs coming from him. “Don’t cry Baek, it’s okay, it’ll be okay. You’ll get through this, but don’t force yourself to when you’re not ready. Even if it feels right in the moment, you know you’re not ready.”

 

Chanyeol didn’t hear an answer but the crying stopped and he was content with that. When he was sure Baekhyun had fallen asleep, he allowed himself to sleep.

 

That night, they both dreamt of how different things would be if they had met in different situations, if they had met in the perfect circumstance, if they hadn’t met during so much pain.

 

Baekhyun woke up and the first thing he felt was pain in his head. Then embarrassment. _Oh god, why did I do that? Baekhyun you fool. What if he hates you now? Why would you kiss the guy who helped you so much? You don’t even know if he wanted to. But, didn’t he say he wanted to even more than I did? He was right though, it was stupid. Sehun and I have been over for a week, how could I ever think it’s okay to kiss someone already? Even if it feels right, I’m not over Sehun and it’s not fair on anyone if I tried to move on so fast. Shit, I’m a fool._

 

“You alright Baekhyun?” Chanyeol’s voice broke the silence making Baekhyun jump.

 

“Um yeah I’m fine, just the usual headache. How are you?” He glanced over to the guy next to him.

 

“I’m okay, in need of food and coffee though. I’ll go make some, come through whenever you’re ready, okay?” He groaned as he stood up, he slipped into a pair of tracksuit bottoms and headed out the room. Just as he got out the door he stopped and turned around. “Baek, don’t linger on what happened last night. I know you’ll just blame yourself and worry but don’t. It’s fine, honestly. Broken hearted people do weird things, okay?” He chuckled and walked away.

 

Baekhyun blushed to himself. _Seriously, how can he be so damn kind and understanding?_ He swallowed his awkwardness as he knew Chanyeol wouldn’t let the feeling stay anyway.

 

He knew the other was right, even if it felt right in the moment, he shouldn’t have done it. He still loves Sehun so deeply. But he couldn’t ignore the feeling of floating he felt.

 

After they ate their breakfast and recuperated from the night before, they got ready to go out to a furniture store. “Can’t we just look online Chanyeol? It would be so much easier you know and I don’t wanna go out looking at new things, what if we bumped into Sehun? I feel safe here.”

 

Chanyeol looked at the other and sighed, “okay Baek, that’s fine. But you can’t keep hiding, okay? I know going back to classes was a big step but you can’t let him stop you from walking around outside. I know you love that park, but you won’t go there anymore.”

 

“I do, but we had so many memories there. It hurts.”

 

“Of course it hurts. But one day, those memories will be nostalgic happiness rather than pain, I promise. One day you will be able to look back and smile.” He gave Baekhyun a soft smile, “now, where’s my laptop?”

 

They spent the next few hours looking at furniture online. Baekhyun mostly got the basics, things he would need to survive but he got himself a few treats too. He felt like he deserved them and he didn’t want to live in an apartment that purely kept him living. He wanted it to make him feel at home, since it was supposed to be his home now.

 

The items wouldn’t arrive until the next day so Chanyeol told Baekhyun to stay at his again. Baekhyun was going to have to miss another day of classes. “I’ll skip too.”

 

“Chanyeol, no. You can’t keep skipping your classes for my sake, they’re important.”

 

“But you have no one else to help. You got a lot of furniture Baek, you can’t build it all alone. It’s fine, I only have practicals tomorrow and we’re just practising for the finals so I can practise tonight and tomorrow evening when we’re done. I won’t fall behind. Besides, you can’t be telling me my classes are important when you have been missing your own.” He chuckled.

 

“Why are you always right about everything?” Baekhyun pouted. “Fine, but tomorrow is the last day. Then we get back to our normal lives, okay?”

 

Chanyeol grinned, “okay Baek.” Silence fell for a moment before Chanyeol perked up again, “so, what are you doing for your final exam this year?”

 

“Hmm? Oh I’m singing and playing the piano. We have to show two things right, so I thought it was better to do them both together. My teacher said it would be better anyway since it shows I can do them both at the same time.” Baekhyun was glowing when talking about his favourite subject.

 

“Yeah, sounds like a plan. I’m going to sing with my guitar, but I’m also going to play a piece on the piano too, since I don’t think my singing is up to standard yet.”

 

“I find that hard to believe, you have such a deep, husky voice. I imagine you get the girls swooning when you sing.” They both laughed at Baekhyun's words.

 

“Do you wanna hear it? It’s an original piece so it’s a little embarrassing but then I have to play it for the examiners anyway. I’d love to hear your thoughts, since singing is your thing.” Baekhyun nodded and Chanyeol ran off to grab his guitar.

 

Baekhyun’s mouth fell open as he listened. _How did I never know how talented Chanyeol is?! His guitar playing is perfect, his lyrics are flawless and emotional and his voice. Wow, his voice. I told the doofus that he must have a great voice. Why does he put himself down?_

 

Chanyeol finished and looked up at Baekhyun sheepishly. “So, um, what do you think?”

 

“Chanyeol that was beautiful, truly. I don’t know why you put your voice down, but it’s so good. And you wrote that all by yourself? Even the music?”

 

Chanyeol smiled, “thanks Baek and yeah I did, I really love writing my own music and lyrics. I have so many songs that I’ve never shown anyone.”

 

“I’d love to hear more of them sometime. But, Chanyeol, don’t feel scared about performing your piece. You will do great, trust me. They will really love it. Your voice is unique and you have so much skill. I’m sure you’ll blow the examiners away when you not only sing this which is entirely your own, but you also play piano. You sure have some talent in that giant body of yours.”

 

Chanyeol felt his ears growing red, “damn it Baek, shut up.” Baekhyun was laughing hard.

 

“You don’t have to get all embarrassed, it was all the truth.”

 

“Yeah, thanks.” He smiled honestly, “so, do I get to see your performance?”

 

Now it was Baekhyun’s turn to blush, “w-well, I guess I could show you. We’ll have to go to the bedroom so I can play the keyboard.”

 

“Okay.” Smiling, he walked into his bedroom with Baekhyun following. He sat on his bed and watched Baekhyun sit at the desk. He looked so shy right now. _Cute._

 

“It might not be any good, okay? I feel like I should change the song anyway, since, well since it was mostly about Sehun and me, but I don’t think I have enough time to change it. There’s only 3 months left until the exam and I just don’t think that is enough time to compose a whole song that I can put so much feeling into and then be able to perform it perfectly.”

 

He took a deep breath and let his delicate fingers run across the keys. He started playing and settled his breathing before he let his voice spill out of his lips. The song was raw, deep and full of emotion. It wasn’t the song Chanyeol had assumed. It wasn’t a confession of love, it was an admission of longing, of heartache, of confusion.

 

It was then that Chanyeol understood. Baekhyun more than loved Sehun, Baekhyun felt like their souls had connected. That they needed each other to survive. Love didn’t just make Baekhyun fall, love consumed him entirely. _No wonder he feels so lost and confused right now. He always thought Sehun felt the same, but it takes someone special to feel so deeply. Anyone can love, truly love, but no everyone can fully connect. That takes someone special and unique. People like Baekhyun don’t come around often._

 

Baekhyun finished and continued to stare at the keys in front of him. Chanyeol opened his mouth to speak but saw the person in front of him was shaking. He got up and walked over, enveloping the smaller in his arms. After a minute, he found the words he should be saying.

 

“That was beautiful Baek. You should perform it. Anyone can see how much you put into it. You perform it with all your emotions, you expose your heart when you sing and they will appreciate that so much. It will be painful but that’s what music does right? It hurts, but whilst it hurts, it heals.”

 

Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol. “Seriously, how are you always right? You are so wise and I bet you don’t even know it.”


	18. Chapter 18

2 months flew by.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol grew extremely close, almost inseparable. Baekhyun was still close to Jongdae and all his other friends, but him and Chanyeol shared a rare connection.

 

Chanyeol had taught him to be more open with his friends, especially Jongdae, which Jongdae was extremely thankful for. He didn’t have to worry so much about his best friend anymore, now that Baekhyun was telling him more things and now that he had someone else to lean on. Of course, Jongdae had always been there for Baekhyun to lean on but he knew he wasn’t the person that Baekhyun needed. He had always thought that person was Sehun but the recent months had shown him that that person was definitely Chanyeol. In fact, seeing the two together and then looking back at how Baekhyun and Sehun had been, it was so different. They may have loved each other, but he could see the connection wasn’t as deep. Damn, Chanyeol and Baekhyun weren’t even a couple yet their connection was stronger than anything he’d ever seen.

 

Baekhyun was starting to honestly move on. He still had awful days, he still loved Sehun and wouldn’t deny it. But, he wasn’t constantly hurting anymore. He could actually go a whole day without feeling sad, as long as he was never alone. It was when he was alone that it hurt the most, but Chanyeol was often there. The only times he was truly alone were nights when he stayed in his apartment alone, but that only really happened a few times a week. Often, Chanyeol or another friend would stay over, or he would stay with Chanyeol. He had good friends and they didn’t want him to be alone and hurting. He appreciated it with all his heart.

 

Chanyeol was falling. He was skydiving with no parachute. He let the river flow and push him off the waterfall. He saw the crack opening deep in the earth and jumped right in. He was free falling and he couldn’t stop himself. He never showed it, he didn’t want anyone to know. But he was rapidly crashing down. He was in so deep and there was no escape. He would never hint at it, since he didn’t want to scare the smaller off. He didn’t want Baekhyun to feel like all his help had been romantic. Everything Chanyeol had done was because of his pure and kind soul, he would have done it for anyone, it just happened to be Baekhyun.

 

Sehun was, well he wasn’t around much. He still went to his classes, he was still an amazing dancer and he would never give that up. But he didn’t hang around with his old friends anymore. He had his new group now. He knew Baekhyun deserved their friends more than him so he stepped back. He spent a lot of time partying and sleeping around. He and Luhan never became a thing, they never intended to be in the first place, they just liked hooking up and they still did it often. Part of Sehun was always lost, he longed for the comforts of his home, for the joy Baekhyun would bring. But he knew it wasn’t enough for him in his heart so he drank the pain away and had fun. Lots of fun. He was learning what he wanted. He wanted the love and the gentle arms to come home to, but he didn’t want to be tied down to those arms only. He wanted freedom and love together.

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s friends grew closer over the two months. They pretty much always hung around together now and some of them were already acquaintances from class. They all got on well and we’re creating amazing memories to take into adulthood with them. They had shared dreams and goals, they helped each other out and had nights together that they would never forget. They were all truly enjoying the university experience.

 

Jongdae and Minseok became an item a month after that drunken kiss. Baekhyun was surprised but Chanyeol always had an inkling this would happen and was happy for the two. They were great together and pushed each other to do better. They were worried at first that Baekhyun would be sensitive about the topic but he was overjoyed for them and told them not to be silly. Just because he was broken hearted didn’t mean no one else could fall in love and enjoy their lives.

 

Baekhyun still hadn’t said a word to Sehun, he never had the opportunity. Every time he saw Sehun it was across campus and Sehun would always either change direction or pretend not to see him. Baekhyun didn’t really understand why, since he should be the one avoiding but Sehun definitely tried harder not to see the smaller. One time, when Baekhyun was with Chanyeol in the park, Sehun walked past and saw them together. He stopped and stared for a moment before walking away. Baekhyun wanted to run after Sehun and talk to him, but Chanyeol stopped him since he knew it would hurt Baekhyun even more and probably take him two steps back on how far he had come.

 

A month before their exams, one of the guys from their group, Kris, invited everyone to a party. Most of them were so busy preparing that they declined, but Baekhyun, wanting more excitement in his life, agreed to go. He decided it would be his last wild night before his exams, then he would knuckle down. He knew he had a lot more to do than just his practical exam.

 

Chanyeol understood why Baekhyun was going and he wanted to go with him. But Baekhyun wouldn’t let him, saying he had more to study for and he didn’t have to always be there, besides Kris was a good friend and would keep an eye on him. Chanyeol reluctantly agreed. He didn’t want to, but he knew this side of Baekhyun and he knew the smaller wouldn’t let him go.

 

That night, he tried so hard to focus and study. He really tried. But knowing Baekhyun was off at a party without him to watch over, it got him so anxious. It’s not that he didn’t want Baekhyun to do his own thing, of course he did. But he knew Baekhyun was still so broken and he knew Baekhyun had moments where he just didn’t think. Especially when he was drunk. Their own past proved that.

Baekhyun had just finished getting himself ready when the doorbell rang, he walked over to the door and saw Kris standing in front of him. He grinned up at the tall guy in front of him. “Hey Kris, ready to go?”

 

“Yeah, come on. It’s not too far.” Baekhyun stepped out and locked the door, “by the way Baek, you look damn good tonight.” They both started laughing, they were always like this together. It wasn’t genuine flirting, but they liked to push each other up and make each other feel good. If Baekhyun was honest, he felt good too. He liked to put some effort in to how he looked and tonight was no exception. He’d styled his black hair, in the messy way everyone always told him looked hot, he was wearing a little bit of eyeliner as he’d learnt in the past that people loved it on him. He was wearing skin tight black jeans and a well-fitting white hoodie. Whenever he put effort into looking good he felt like it would somehow make the day better.

 

They walked the streets for about 20 minutes before they reached the house. They left the bustling area around the university behind. Baekhyun was so used to being surrounded by apartment buildings and the huge buildings of the university, he had almost forgot what it was like to walk on a street of normal houses. He looked around the street, nostalgia filling his bones as he remembered running around on a street like this as a child. He and Jongdae riding their bikes and eating ice creams and playing football. Doing all the things kids do.

 

He shook the thought away, he was here for a fun night, not for nostalgia. As much as he loved the feeling, it didn’t belong in this night. This night was his last chance to have fun for a while. He had been so stressed about his finals and he knew the month ahead was just going to get worse. So, tonight he was going to let go, he was going to have an amazing night then he was going to knuckle down and focus on his studies.

 

Yeah, it was a little weird that none of his friends except Kris were there, but he trusted Kris, he was a good friend. He knew he really needed this night to let go. _Maybe the fact that no one but Kris will be here is a good thing. No one to stop me from letting go, no one to hold me back. I’m not stupid, I’m not gonna do things I regret. I just wanna let go a bit. I haven’t for so long now. I’m gonna be a normal student having fun at a party, not a heartbroken shut in who lost all his confidence._

They walked in through the front door and hit a wall of smoke, the stench of alcohol swirled up their noses and the sounds of music, shouting and laughter penetrated their ears. Everywhere they looked there were people drinking, dancing or smoking. The party was already in full swing and the 2 friends anticipated a great night ahead. They smiled at each other and walked in, heading straight to the kitchen to make some drinks. After spotting some people they knew from classes, they walked over and started chatting.

 

An hour or so passed of them both mingling and drinking, they were both feeling pretty tipsy and ended up separating when they were talking to different groups. Someone shouted Baekhyun over to play beer pong and by the end he was feeling pretty fucked. He didn’t have a great aim, and the other guy did. The next thing he knew, he was dancing with Kris in the living room, surrounded by all the other sweaty bodies, music and alcohol sending everyone into a trance. Baekhyun got completely lost in the music and in the alcohol. He was feeling on top of the world.

 

He felt hand clasp around his waist and hold him while they danced, too drunk to care he danced with the guy. The music was upbeat and full of bass, shaking right through his body and increasing the euphoria in his mind. The body behind him pulled him away from the crowd and over to a corner where a bunch of people were sitting around, smoking.

 

He was too drunk to even look at the guy who had dragged him over, the people around smiled and welcomed as he sat himself down on one of the chairs. Someone offered him a joint and he took it, he had smoked a few times before in the past so he was thankful that he didn’t cough his guts up. He was beyond the point of embarrassment but he still felt the urge to smoke well, to be able to join in with this group smoothly.

 

The minutes passed and he felt his buzz grow, he was feeling dopey now as well as drunk, but it was a good feeling. He was enjoying it. The smoking actually lessened the dizziness caused by the alcohol which helped him feel more relaxed. He felt hands clasp on his shoulder and his head rolled back onto the body behind him. He finally became curious of the person whom he had danced with and smoked with so he opened his eyes looking up.

 

Emotions rushed through his entire being. He wasn’t sure what emotions but he felt electrified. As if every single nerve in his body sparked up at once. He felt on fire, but he enjoyed it. He could also feel a small part of him, hidden in a corner of his soul, screaming and shouting, terrified and angry. He eyes grew wider and his mouth gaped open.

 

“Se-sehun.”


	19. Chapter 19

2 months flew by.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol grew extremely close, almost inseparable. Baekhyun was still close to Jongdae and all his other friends, but him and Chanyeol shared a rare connection.

 

Chanyeol had taught him to be more open with his friends, especially Jongdae, which Jongdae was extremely thankful for. He didn’t have to worry so much about his best friend anymore, now that Baekhyun was telling him more things and now that he had someone else to lean on. Of course, Jongdae had always been there for Baekhyun to lean on but he knew he wasn’t the person that Baekhyun needed. He had always thought that person was Sehun but the recent months had shown him that that person was definitely Chanyeol. In fact, seeing the two together and then looking back at how Baekhyun and Sehun had been, it was so different. They may have loved each other, but he could see the connection wasn’t as deep. Damn, Chanyeol and Baekhyun weren’t even a couple yet their connection was stronger than anything he’d ever seen.

 

Baekhyun was starting to honestly move on. He still had awful days, he still loved Sehun and wouldn’t deny it. But, he wasn’t constantly hurting anymore. He could actually go a whole day without feeling sad, as long as he was never alone. It was when he was alone that it hurt the most, but Chanyeol was often there. The only times he was truly alone were nights when he stayed in his apartment alone, but that only really happened a few times a week. Often, Chanyeol or another friend would stay over, or he would stay with Chanyeol. He had good friends and they didn’t want him to be alone and hurting. He appreciated it with all his heart.

 

Chanyeol was falling. He was skydiving with no parachute. He let the river flow and push him off the waterfall. He saw the crack opening deep in the earth and jumped right in. He was free falling and he couldn’t stop himself. He never showed it, he didn’t want anyone to know. But he was rapidly crashing down. He was in so deep and there was no escape. He would never hint at it, since he didn’t want to scare the smaller off. He didn’t want Baekhyun to feel like all his help had been romantic. Everything Chanyeol had done was because of his pure and kind soul, he would have done it for anyone, it just happened to be Baekhyun.

 

Sehun was, well he wasn’t around much. He still went to his classes, he was still an amazing dancer and he would never give that up. But he didn’t hang around with his old friends anymore. He had his new group now. He knew Baekhyun deserved their friends more than him so he stepped back. He spent a lot of time partying and sleeping around. He and Luhan never became a thing, they never intended to be in the first place, they just liked hooking up and they still did it often. Part of Sehun was always lost, he longed for the comforts of his home, for the joy Baekhyun would bring. But he knew it wasn’t enough for him in his heart so he drank the pain away and had fun. Lots of fun. He was learning what he wanted. He wanted the love and the gentle arms to come home to, but he didn’t want to be tied down to those arms only. He wanted freedom and love together.

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s friends grew closer over the two months. They pretty much always hung around together now and some of them were already acquaintances from class. They all got on well and we’re creating amazing memories to take into adulthood with them. They had shared dreams and goals, they helped each other out and had nights together that they would never forget. They were all truly enjoying the university experience.

 

Jongdae and Minseok became an item a month after that drunken kiss. Baekhyun was surprised but Chanyeol always had an inkling this would happen and was happy for the two. They were great together and pushed each other to do better. They were worried at first that Baekhyun would be sensitive about the topic but he was overjoyed for them and told them not to be silly. Just because he was broken hearted didn’t mean no one else could fall in love and enjoy their lives.

 

Baekhyun still hadn’t said a word to Sehun, he never had the opportunity. Every time he saw Sehun it was across campus and Sehun would always either change direction or pretend not to see him. Baekhyun didn’t really understand why, since he should be the one avoiding but Sehun definitely tried harder not to see the smaller. One time, when Baekhyun was with Chanyeol in the park, Sehun walked past and saw them together. He stopped and stared for a moment before walking away. Baekhyun wanted to run after Sehun and talk to him, but Chanyeol stopped him since he knew it would hurt Baekhyun even more and probably take him two steps back on how far he had come.

 

A month before their exams, one of the guys from their group, Kris, invited everyone to a party. Most of them were so busy preparing that they declined, but Baekhyun, wanting more excitement in his life, agreed to go. He decided it would be his last wild night before his exams, then he would knuckle down. He knew he had a lot more to do than just his practical exam.

 

Chanyeol understood why Baekhyun was going and he wanted to go with him. But Baekhyun wouldn’t let him, saying he had more to study for and he didn’t have to always be there, besides Kris was a good friend and would keep an eye on him. Chanyeol reluctantly agreed. He didn’t want to, but he knew this side of Baekhyun and he knew the smaller wouldn’t let him go.

 

That night, he tried so hard to focus and study. He really tried. But knowing Baekhyun was off at a party without him to watch over, it got him so anxious. It’s not that he didn’t want Baekhyun to do his own thing, of course he did. But he knew Baekhyun was still so broken and he knew Baekhyun had moments where he just didn’t think. Especially when he was drunk. Their own past proved that.

Baekhyun had just finished getting himself ready when the doorbell rang, he walked over to the door and saw Kris standing in front of him. He grinned up at the tall guy in front of him. “Hey Kris, ready to go?”

 

“Yeah, come on. It’s not too far.” Baekhyun stepped out and locked the door, “by the way Baek, you look damn good tonight.” They both started laughing, they were always like this together. It wasn’t genuine flirting, but they liked to push each other up and make each other feel good. If Baekhyun was honest, he felt good too. He liked to put some effort in to how he looked and tonight was no exception. He’d styled his black hair, in the messy way everyone always told him looked hot, he was wearing a little bit of eyeliner as he’d learnt in the past that people loved it on him. He was wearing skin tight black jeans and a well-fitting white hoodie. Whenever he put effort into looking good he felt like it would somehow make the day better.

 

They walked the streets for about 20 minutes before they reached the house. They left the bustling area around the university behind. Baekhyun was so used to being surrounded by apartment buildings and the huge buildings of the university, he had almost forgot what it was like to walk on a street of normal houses. He looked around the street, nostalgia filling his bones as he remembered running around on a street like this as a child. He and Jongdae riding their bikes and eating ice creams and playing football. Doing all the things kids do.

 

He shook the thought away, he was here for a fun night, not for nostalgia. As much as he loved the feeling, it didn’t belong in this night. This night was his last chance to have fun for a while. He had been so stressed about his finals and he knew the month ahead was just going to get worse. So, tonight he was going to let go, he was going to have an amazing night then he was going to knuckle down and focus on his studies.

 

Yeah, it was a little weird that none of his friends except Kris were there, but he trusted Kris, he was a good friend. He knew he really needed this night to let go. _Maybe the fact that no one but Kris will be here is a good thing. No one to stop me from letting go, no one to hold me back. I’m not stupid, I’m not gonna do things I regret. I just wanna let go a bit. I haven’t for so long now. I’m gonna be a normal student having fun at a party, not a heartbroken shut in who lost all his confidence._

They walked in through the front door and hit a wall of smoke, the stench of alcohol swirled up their noses and the sounds of music, shouting and laughter penetrated their ears. Everywhere they looked there were people drinking, dancing or smoking. The party was already in full swing and the 2 friends anticipated a great night ahead. They smiled at each other and walked in, heading straight to the kitchen to make some drinks. After spotting some people they knew from classes, they walked over and started chatting.

 

An hour or so passed of them both mingling and drinking, they were both feeling pretty tipsy and ended up separating when they were talking to different groups. Someone shouted Baekhyun over to play beer pong and by the end he was feeling pretty fucked. He didn’t have a great aim, and the other guy did. The next thing he knew, he was dancing with Kris in the living room, surrounded by all the other sweaty bodies, music and alcohol sending everyone into a trance. Baekhyun got completely lost in the music and in the alcohol. He was feeling on top of the world.

 

He felt hand clasp around his waist and hold him while they danced, too drunk to care he danced with the guy. The music was upbeat and full of bass, shaking right through his body and increasing the euphoria in his mind. The body behind him pulled him away from the crowd and over to a corner where a bunch of people were sitting around, smoking.

 

He was too drunk to even look at the guy who had dragged him over, the people around smiled and welcomed as he sat himself down on one of the chairs. Someone offered him a joint and he took it, he had smoked a few times before in the past so he was thankful that he didn’t cough his guts up. He was beyond the point of embarrassment but he still felt the urge to smoke well, to be able to join in with this group smoothly.

 

The minutes passed and he felt his buzz grow, he was feeling dopey now as well as drunk, but it was a good feeling. He was enjoying it. The smoking actually lessened the dizziness caused by the alcohol which helped him feel more relaxed. He felt hands clasp on his shoulder and his head rolled back onto the body behind him. He finally became curious of the person whom he had danced with and smoked with so he opened his eyes looking up.

 

Emotions rushed through his entire being. He wasn’t sure what emotions but he felt electrified. As if every single nerve in his body sparked up at once. He felt on fire, but he enjoyed it. He could also feel a small part of him, hidden in a corner of his soul, screaming and shouting, terrified and angry. He eyes grew wider and his mouth gaped open.

 

“Se-sehun.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Hey baby. It’s nice to see you.”

 

“What, what are you doing here?” He couldn’t bring himself to think too hard, even if he tried his mind wouldn’t be able to comprehend what was happening. He was long past sober and this was the last thing he was expecting.

 

“You know I like to party Baek, this is the last big student party before finals. Of course I’d be here.” Sehun spoke as his face was plastered with his usual smirk.

 

“Right, yeah, of course.”

 

Baekhyun felt himself being pulled up and away from the group. For a split second his mind told him this was wrong, that he needed to find Kris and go home. That whatever Sehun wanted, he wanted no part of it. But the thoughts passed quickly as his drunk self took over, enveloping any sense that was left. He let Sehun drag him upstairs and into a bedroom. His heartbeat increasing rapidly as his brain was telling him he was alone in a room with the man he loves, but also the man who broke his heart.

 

“What are we doing Sehun? Why did you bring me in here?”

 

“I just wanted you alone Baek. I miss you so much. I just wanted to touch you and hold you with no one else watching.”

 

Baekhyun could feel Sehun’s eyes boring into him as he stared at his feet, “oh.”

 

Sehun stepped forward and stroked Baekhyun’s cheek. “I really missed you. So much. I did a stupid thing, the worst thing, I know. I know it was right for me but I just want to hold you Baek.”

 

“Then hold me Sehun. I’m not stopping you.” Baekhyun felt like there was no air in his lungs, he wasn’t sure why he was saying this. Part of him knew it was stupid but he just couldn’t stop himself. He stared up into Sehun’s eyes as they bore down on him. He got lost in the deep brown he had known so well, falling deeper and losing all sense. Before he could even blink, he felt lips crashing on to his.

 

His knees almost gave way as he felt his lips mould into such a familiar shape, tasting such a familiar taste. He felt those hands he missed dearly wrap around him as he brought his own up and around the neck he had held many times before. The kiss was ferocious, full of passion, pain and longing. Full of unspoken words and days lost. They soon found themselves breathless and panting. Sehun pulled away and looked down into the smaller’s eyes again.

 

“Baby, come home, just for tonight. Please.”

 

Not a single part of Baekhyun protested this time. He was completely lost and enticed by memories of happier times. He nodded slowly, looking at the eyes still boring into him and he thought he saw a twinkle in those eyes that was long lost. His drunk mind convincing him that look of love was definitely still there, that Sehun missed more than just his body.

 

Sehun grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room. He almost dragged Baekhyun down the stairs and out of the building. Kris was long forgotten in Baekhyun’s clouded mind. They walked quickly back to Sehun’s place, Baekhyun’s old home. The house was closer to Sehun’s apartment than Baekhyun’s so it took less time than the walk had that evening. Both the men thankful how short the walk was, feeling urgency coursing through them.

 

As Sehun was unlocking the door, Baekhyun stood behind him, running his hands up the taller’s thighs, kissing his back. His mind was telling him this felt right and this was the best thing he could be doing. They stumbled into the apartment and Sehun pulled Baekhyun into the bedroom before he had a chance to look around. Little did Baekhyun know, if he had had the chance to look around the living room, he probably would have left. The room looked so different, so empty and devoid of the care and loving it used to receive.

 

Sehun pushed Baekhyun onto the bed and lent down to kiss the smaller again, just as aggressive as the first time. Something in Baekhyun’s mind whispered that Sehun was different now but that whisper was blown away by the excitement and pleasure he was feeling. Sehun’s hands ran up his top, caressing his torso. Baekhyun didn’t realise how much he missed the feeling of those rough, calloused hands touching him all over.

 

Both of them were completely lost in the moment, minds hazy about their actions. Sehun pulled Baekhyun’s top off before taking off his own and diving down to devour the body he hadn’t touched for so long. Kissing and biting everywhere as his hand harshly rubbed Baekhyun’s erection above his skin tight jeans. Baekhyun became a moaning mess, the name his missed so much spilling out of his lips as naturally as it always had.

 

Sehun took off the rest of Baekhyun clothes and admired the body in front of him. “Shit, Baek, I missed this body more than I thought.”

 

Baekhyun blushed and sat up, scratching his nails down Sehun’s back as he kissed down the other’s chest. He unbuttoned Sehun’s trousers and pulled them down. Eyes glazed over as he teased with his tongue before taking the taller’s member in his mouth. He stared up at Sehun the whole time, their eyes lost in each other.

 

Eventually Sehun pulled Baekhyun away and pushed him down onto the bed. Baekhyun blinked and small piece of sense trickled through the barriers in his mind. “Wait, Hyunnie, i-it’s been a while so just go a little gentle at first okay.”

 

Sehun stared down at the other, “shit, not since us? Really Baek?”

 

“Yeah, really.” Sehun sighed, surprise and guilt running through his mind but those feelings were quickly swallowed up by desire.

 

Sehun was gentle and tender at first, he didn’t want to hurt the smaller underneath him but it didn’t take long for them to get lost in the moment. Their love became desperate and rough. As if they were making up for lost time, or preparing for a final goodbye.

Chanyeol was still awake when his phone started ringing. He didn’t even look at the caller before he picked it up, assuming it would be Baekhyun needing help or something. “Baek-“

                              

“ **Chanyeol**?” Kris’ voice came shouting through the speaker. “ **Oh my god Chanyeol, I can’t find him. I can’t find Baek anywhere. We were dancing and then suddenly he wasn’t there, I thought he had just gone off with some other group. I mean, we had separated a few times tonight so I thought it would be fine.** ”

 

Chanyeol felt horror creep up his body, fear gripping him tightly. “Wait, Kris, slow down. You’re babbling. You can’t find Baekhyun? Have you looked everywhere?”

 

There was panic running through Kris’ voice. “ **I’ve been in every room, I’ve been asking around. It’s not easy when everyone is so fucked, no one can remember seeing him for a while. Someone said something about seeing him leave but they weren’t sure.** ”

 

“Shit. For fuck sake. Stay at the party, I’ll be there.” He hung up and hurriedly shoved a hoodie and some shoes on, he was already mostly dressed since he was worried something like this might happen. He ran out the door and to the party.

 

He got there, panting from running so hard for so long and shoved his way through the masses of people. It was 4am and most people were either heading off or passing out somewhere random. He found Kris in the kitchen, asking some people if they had seen Baekhyun.

 

“Kris, any luck?”

 

Kris turned around wide eyed, “well, someone said they’re sure they saw Baekhyun leave with someone, a guy. But they didn’t know who.”

 

Chanyeol sighed, “well, there’s only really one person it could be, right?” He pulled out his phone to call Baekhyun, feeling stupid that he didn’t try that before he left. The phone rang and rang with no answer. He felt frustrated and disappointed, almost throwing his phone at the wall. “Damnit Baek.”

 

He thought for a minute and rang Jongdae. It took a while but Jongdae picked up the phone, his voice groggy and tired as he questioned why Chanyeol was ringing him at such a stupid time.

 

“Jongdae, I’m sorry, I know it’s a bad time but Baekhyun’s gone missing. Well, he left the party and someone said they saw him leave with some guy. It’s not hard to put the pieces together, I guess he isn’t missing since we know where he most likely is, but what do I do?”

 

Jongdae perked up instantly. “ **For god sake that boy. I knew I should’ve just gone with him, if more of us were there to watch him then this wouldn’t have happened. I don’t know if there isn’t anything to do Chanyeol. We can’t just go over there and barge in. Baekhyun will come back tomorrow, or he will explain himself at least.** ”

 

Chanyeol sighed deeply, “why would he do this though? Even drunk as fuck he should have known it was a bad idea, he should have known it would break him all over again.”

 

“ **Love and alcohol make people do stupid things Yeol. Just, go home and get some rest if you can. We’ll talk to Baekhyun tomorrow okay?** ”

 

Chanyeol reluctantly went home and sat in his apartment. He knew he wouldn’t be able to rest so there was no point in trying. His mind was running a mile a minute and his heart was hurting at the idea of a drunk, uninhibited Baekhyun being touched by the man who only recently broke his heart. Of Baekhyun feeling like things would be okay, like things could go back to how they used to be, but Chanyeol knew this wasn’t the case. He had a gut feeling that Sehun was just using him for the one night, or at least that Sehun definitely didn’t want to get back with the smaller.

 

He knew this was going to break Baekhyun. Maybe even harder than before.

 

Baekhyun came to consciousness and instantly wish he didn’t. He hurt all over, inside and out. He groaned and rolled over in the bed. His eyes snapped open as a familiar scent crept up his nose. He sat up and looked around the room. The sudden change in position made him dizzy and sent a jolt straight to his stomach. Before he had a chance to think about the night before, he ran to the bathroom and threw up everything inside him.

 

Eventually he got up, sweating and feeling awful. He stepped back into the bedroom and tried to piece together the night before. His memory was hazy and jumpy but he could clearly remember Sehun’s hands running across his body, Sehun’s lips locking with his own. He could recall both their heated moans and panted words. But he couldn’t yet remember what happened that made him end up there.

 

He tentatively walked through to the living room and saw no one, he headed through to the also empty kitchen to make himself a coffee in hopes of perking himself up but he froze when he saw a post it note on the fridge. Just like the ones Sehun used to leave for him. He slowly walked over to it and instantly wished he didn’t.

 

**Lu, I had to go to class. There’s some breakfast in the fridge for you. I don’t think I’ll be back tonight so I’ll ring you tomorrow.**

The message wasn’t filled with love like the ones he used to receive were, but it was obvious that the two spent a lot of time together. In that moment he knew, he knew that the night before was a onetime thing, a mistake and it should never happen again. They would never be how they used to be. _That’s not what Sehun wants, Sehun wants freedom. He doesn’t want to be tied down to just me._

 

He was hurting all over again, he felt like everything he had worked so hard for had broken down. He looked around the apartment and saw how different it looked with all his belongings gone. Sehun didn’t keep it as homely as Baekhyun had, he didn’t keep it as tidy and there were new things littered around. _Some of this stuff is probably Luhan’s._

He felt sick again but he knew it wasn’t a physical reaction. He grabbed his phone and wallet from the bedroom, put his shoes on and ran out of the apartment. He wasn’t sure where to go at first but he definitely didn’t want to go home and he didn’t want to go somewhere where someone could find him. Making up his mind, he headed to a coffee shop he hadn’t been to in a long time. He knew he couldn’t go to the one he and Chanyeol had gone that first night, Chanyeol might look for him there.

 

He ordered his coffee and sat down in the corner, hiding himself from the other customers. He fell into a daze, swirling deep into his thoughts. He didn’t want to face his friends, ever. He knew Kris would have realised he had disappeared at some point and would have rang Chanyeol or Jongdae. He knew they would know where he had gone the night before. He knew they would have a million questions and judging looks.

 

He stayed there for hours, he ordered another coffee every now and then so that he wouldn’t be kicked out. His mind searching for an idea, longing for an escape. He didn’t want to see Chanyeol’s face, he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t want to see the hurt in Chanyeol’s eyes as he told him how he had ruined all they had worked for.


	21. Chapter 21

“It’s been a whole fucking week Jongdae. Where the fuck is he? We’ve looked everywhere, every single day. I even went to Sehun’s damn apartment but he didn’t know either, I swear I almost punched him. Apparently he went to meet a friend and when he got back, Baekhyun was gone. No trace of him.”

 

“I know Chanyeol, I spoke to Sehun too. I’ve got no idea where Baekhyun is either. I can’t believe he’s doing this. He’s never done anything like this before, god knows what he’s doing.”

 

Chanyeol stood up and paced around the room in frustration, running his hands through his hair and sighing loudly. “God fucking damn it.” He picked up his phone and put his shoes on.

 

“Where are you going Yeol?” Jongdae followed him out of the apartment.

 

“I don’t know. Just to look everywhere again. What else can I do? I can’t just sit in my apartment and wait around. It’s killing me.”

 

Jongdae frowned, “okay, I’ll come with you. We’ll check around again but then I’ve gotta go home, it’s late and my mum is relying on me getting a good career you know. I’m so torn right now, between making my family proud and finding my fool of a best friend.”

 

They went to Baekhyun’s apartment first, both of them had spare keys. Empty.

 

They checked the park. Nowhere.

 

They checked the coffee shop. Closed.

 

They went to Sehun’s. No one home.

 

They wondered the streets. Nothing.

 

They rang all their friends. No word.

 

They tried Baekhyun’s phone one more time each. No answer.

 

“What about Baekhyun’s parents? I don’t know the story but is there any chance he could have gone home?”

 

Jongdae’s face was grim, “no chance at all. He’d never go back there Yeol. I’m out of ideas.”

 

“Okay, go home Dae. I’ll go home too. There’s nothing else we can do tonight. But, I’m ringing the police in the morning, I know everyone told us to put it off but it’s been a whole fucking week now and no one has heard a thing from him.”

 

They went their separate ways. Chanyeol slowly walked home, he hurt all over, he was exhausted, frustrated and lost. None of this stopped him from constantly keeping his eyes peeled though. Looking everywhere for any sign of Baekhyun.

 

He finally reached his apartment and collapsed on the couch, he knew he wouldn’t sleep but he could at least give his body a break and let it rest. His mind wondered off again, the whole past week the only thought in his mind had been Baekhyun. Everything Baekhyun. He could no longer deny his feelings for the smaller, feelings that had completely overtook his mind.

 

His eyes slowly drooped shut and his mind was slowly losing consciousness when he heard banging. At first, he thought it was his imagination but as it continued he slowly sat up and realised the banging was very much real and was coming from his door.

 

His heart almost jumped out of his throat when he heard the shouting.

 

“Chanyeol! Chanyeol please be home, please let me in! Please! Chanyeol, please!”

 

Chanyeol could feel the distress in Baekhyun’s voice as he ran over to the door. He swung it open and Baekhyun’s small body fell into his. Chanyeol grabbed hold of him, holding him up. Baekhyun felt so weak in his arms.

 

“Chanyeol…” The smaller was crying his heart out and gripping onto Chanyeol’s shirt as if his life depended on it. Chanyeol picked up arms into his arms, kicked the door closed and headed through to the living room. He laid Baekhyun down on the couch and sat on the floor next to him, letting Baekhyun claw on his clothes as he cried and cried.

 

Chanyeol was silent the whole time, he was completely speechless. So many scenarios had ran through his head about when he would see Baekhyun again but he had never imagined this one. He had no idea what Baekhyun had been through, but something bad had obviously happened. Something completely awful. He had wiped himself off the face of the earth for an entire week before suddenly turning up at his door more broken than Chanyeol had ever seen him. His clothes were dirty and ripped in places, he reeked of alcohol and sex. The few times Baekhyun’s eyes were open Chanyeol could see they were glazed over, in a whole different world. _Drugs. What the fuck._

 

Slowly, Baekhyun’s sobs started dying down and as much as Chanyeol wanted to ask what had happened, as much as he wanted to comfort the person holding his heart, he knew the best thing was to clean him up and let him rest. He realised he was going to have to clean Baekhyun up himself, despite how much he didn’t want to put the smaller in such a vulnerable situation, there was no way he was going to let Baekhyun stay in those clothes or stay so dirty. He needed to be clean and he needed a deep sleep.

 

He left Baekhyun on the sofa, making sure he was lying on his side and started running a bath. Once the bath was ready he took Baekhyun into the bathroom. “I know this is probably very degrading for you Baekhyun but I need to bathe you. I don’t know if you can even understand me right now, either way I’m telling you so that I will always know I did. Even if you struggled, I’d still bathe you. You’re a god damn state right now Baek.” He gently took Baekhyun’s clothes off and laid him in the water, he made sure the temperature was just right beforehand.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes flickered open as he lie in the water. “Ch-Chanyeol? What’s going on?”

 

“I’m cleaning you up Baek. I’m sorry but you’re out of it and you need it. I’ll wait till tomorrow to find out why you’re covered in bruises.”

 

“Hmmm, okay Chanyeol. You’re amazing.” He giggled slightly before passing out again. Chanyeol stared at him, shock all over his face. He’d never seen Baekhyun like this before and he never wanted to see it again.

 

 He tried his best to hold back his anger, he knew better than to be angry at Baekhyun. _He’s going through a lot and that night with Sehun must_ _have really fucked with him. I’ll stay calm and let him explain it when he wants to. He just better not ever do this again. I don’t think I’d survive through all this worry again. Especially since I’ve seen what he looks like right now, I might not know the story but I can guess half of it from the state he’s in._

 

He finished cleaning Baekhyun up, took him out of the water and dried him off. Picking him up again, Chanyeol took him to the bedroom and tucked him into bed, the whole time whispering calming words. “I’m here now Baek, get some rest okay? I’ll still be here tomorrow. Just sleep, sleep deeply. Whatever this is, you can get through it and I will be here for you. I wish I knew what to say, but for now I don’t so just sleep this off for tonight.”

 

Just like that first night, as Chanyeol tried to leave Baekhyun grabbed onto him, gaining his conscious again for one last moment. “Chanyeol please don’t leave me. I can’t be alone. I need you here. It’s too much to ask, I know, I hurt you so much. But please, I don’t think I can sleep without knowing you’re here.” Chanyeol felt tears spilling from his eyes, Baekhyun looked so small and weak and helpless. He slowly got into the bed and let Baekhyun curl up into him, holding him tight as he felt the shaking body in his arms slowly calm down.

 

_It’s not too much to ask Baekhyun. You could never ask too much of me. I’m just so thankful you came to me tonight, it hurts me so much to see you like this but to know you’re safe in my arms and that I am here to make this better for you, it entirely makes up for this week of anguish. I won’t leave you. I won’t ever leave you. That’s the one thing you never have to worry about. But will you leave me?_

 

Baekhyun slept, really slept, for the first time since that night. He felt the safe arms around him all night and it allowed him to let his guard down and truly rest. He had strange dreams fuelled by drugs but throughout them all, there was this warmth surrounding him, preventing nightmares. Fighting off those awful demons he had been suffering for the past week. He opened his eyes in the morning to the sight of Chanyeol’s sleeping face, his heart jumped and for a moment, he forgot the past week and he allowed himself to feel happy. He sighed, his breath blowing across Chanyeol’s face, sending locks of hair fluttering into the air.

 

He went to move and sit up but he felt Chanyeol’s arms get tighter around him. “What happened Baek? Where did you go? You just disappeared. Do you have any idea how much I looked for you?” Baekhyun froze in Chanyeol’s arms, not knowing where to begin or if he even wanted to tell Chanyeol. “This is the first time I’ve slept properly in a week Baek, how could I sleep not knowing where you was, not knowing if you was safe?”

 

Baekhyun was crying again now, knowing what he had put Chanyeol through. “I’m sorry Chanyeol, I really am.” He managed to choke through his sobs.

 

Chanyeol opened his eyes and looked deep into the smaller’s. “No. Don’t be sorry, don’t apologise. You don’t need to. You don’t even have to tell me what you was doing if you don’t want to. But please, just don’t do this to me again. Don’t do this to yourself again. You are so precious, look after yourself, please.”

 

Baekhyun opened his mouth to talk again but was disturbed by banging coming from the door to the apartment. Chanyeol stood up and ruffled his hair, “that’ll be Jongdae. Ready to start our daily search I guess.” Baekhyun chewed his bottom lip, realising how much his friends had actually been through. He stayed on the bed as Chanyeol left the room, not sure how he was going to react to seeing his lifelong friend.

 

“WHAT?! HE’S HERE? WHERE?”

 

Jongdae came running into the bedroom and scooped Baekhyun up in his arms. “Oh god, you’re safe. You’re right here and you’re safe. Damn it Baek!” It was Jongdae’s turn now to have tears pouring down his cheeks. Baekhyun clung onto his best friend, lost for words and not sure if they would come out even if he tried. The two just sat there for a while, holding each other and letting everything out.

 

Chanyeol came into the room and looked at the two holding each other, his heart hurt knowing how deep everyone’s suffering had become. He wished dearly that everyone could just be happy. “I made some drinks you two, if you wanna come through?” The two on the bed slowly got up and they all settled down in the living room, none of them really knowing where to start.

 

Chanyeol took a deep breath, “Baek…”

 

Baekhyun cut him off before he could continue. “I know. I’ll explain. I’m not sure if I can do it really, but I’ll push through. Just, please don’t hate me, don’t judge me too harshly. I don’t understand myself what went through my mind. I can’t believe myself that all this happened.”

 

The two looked at Baekhyun with worry in their eyes, Chanyeol thought for a moment before speaking. “It’s okay Baek. Whatever it is, you need to get it out, it’s clawing at you and I can see it. I won’t hate you, and I’m sure Jongdae won’t either.”

 

Jongdae shook his head, “we’ve been through enough now for you to know I would never hate you Baek.”

 

Baekhyun took a sip of his tea, hands shaking. He breathed deeply, looked into the cup in his hands and began. “I imagine you know I ended up with Sehun at that party? I was drunk and someone was dancing with me, I didn’t even know it was him, I was just having fun. He pulled me over to a group of people and we smoked some weed. I still didn’t even know it was him at this point, I was just talking to the group and it never crossed my mind to look at the person behind me.

 

“Well, eventually I did and it was Sehun. I don’t know what went through my mind but I let him pull me upstairs, he was saying all these sweet words about missing me and just wanting to hold me again. Then I-I let him kiss me and before I knew it, we were going back to his apartment. My mind was so hazy and lost in the past. There was such a huge part of me that was happy to be in his arms again that I just let it all happen. It had always been him, right. It felt so good to feel him touching me again, half my mind was feeling like I was home but the other half was screaming at me. I guess the alcohol let me ignore that part.

 

“When I woke up, Sehun wasn’t there. I don’t know where he was. But I looked around the apartment and it was just, it was so different. I can’t explain it. It just felt so devoid of love, of happiness. It wasn’t the place we had together anymore, it was like a whole different building. I didn’t know what to do, if I should leave or not but I felt so awful, I’d been throwing up and stuff so I thought I’d make a coffee. But, but there was this note on the fridge. Like those notes Sehun used to leave me, remember Dae? It was for that Luhan guy, probably from a few days ago. It just snapped something inside of me and I couldn’t breathe in that place anymore, so I left.

 

“I didn’t want to see anyone. I knew you would have all figured it out and I felt so ashamed. I knew I had made a mistake but I had just got so lost in the moment. So, I went to a coffee shop, one I’d never been to with you two. I’d only ever gone there on my own so I thought it would be a good place to have some alone time and just sort through my thoughts. I had a few coffees and was settled there for hours, just staring out the window. It didn’t help really, I had no idea what to do and I really didn’t want to face anyone.

 

“When evening fell, I didn’t know where to go. I knew I couldn’t just disappear or anything and I have nowhere to go anyway, so I slowly started heading home, to my apartment. Before I got to the park there was this group of guys, I’d never seen them before but they started chatting to me. They were friendly and stuff, nothing creepy then they invited me to a party. I got a bit worried and wasn’t sure since I’m not that stupid you know.” He paused and laughed slightly, looking at his two friends in front of him.

 

“But for some reason, I let them convince me. I don’t know why. I’m such an idiot, right? Going off to a party with some random guys I just met on the street but something in my mind just didn’t care. I felt so broken and worthless. Even Sehun had just thrown me away again, every thought running through my mind just told me that I couldn’t look after myself, so why even bother trying? Looking back, I hate it. But I listened to the hatred in my mind.

 

“So, I went. It was actually a real party and they were really nice guys. They were chill and they weren’t forcing drinks or drugs on me and we were just having a great time. I was a little tipsy, not really drunk or anything and one of them pulled me up to start dancing and that’s when something in my mind clicked. I decided I was safe here and I should just let go, let out all the pent up frustration that Sehun had caused. I let myself get really drunk.”


	22. Chapter 22

Baekhyun’s breath became shaky and he sounded scared. “Then, then it all started. I was sitting somewhere, with some girl. I was drunk and I was high and we were chatting so much shit. She actually seemed really nice, we were getting on well. At some point, she handed me a drink. Not long after, I felt really weird. Like really weird.”

 

Chanyeol and Jongdae stared at Baekhyun. Jongdae decided to say something for the first time since Baekhyun had started. “Baek, before you carry on. Before I have to hear all this, just tell me please. Are you okay right now, physically?”

 

Baekhyun looked at his best friend with sad eyes, “I’m okay Dae, I promise. I’m not hurting.” The two listening nodded and waited for Baekhyun to continue. Chanyeol knew Baekhyun had bruises but he didn't hadn't seen any serious damage the night before so he decided not to push the topic.

 

“So yeah, it’s obvious I got drugged. I started feeling really hot and dizzy, I told her and she just smiled at me, telling me it’s fine. I wouldn’t let it go and she said we should just go upstairs and rest and I-I don’t remember much else after that. There are flickers of memories in my mind, quick flashes of skin. Of her maybe, but I see a guy too. I can feel their touches. I can hear my own complaints amongst the sounds of my own pleasure. It hurts me to think that even amongst my tears and complaints, I enjoyed it. I fucking enjoyed it and it urged them on. They probably wouldn’t have stopped either way though.

 

“I woke up the next day, naked in some bed in some house. I didn’t know what to do. I was alone so I got dressed and went downstairs, the house was a tip, there were people sleeping everywhere, on the floor, on the tables, on the fucking stairs. It all felt unknown to me, yeah I’ve been to parties, but not like this. Drugs were everywhere, not just weed like the parties we go to, but heavy drugs. I wanted to just get out of there but I was so thirsty, I’d never been so thirsty in my whole life. I guess the drug did it to me.

 

“I got myself some water and decided I’d leave straight after and find my way home but there was this guy in the kitchen. I didn’t recognise him but he smiled at me and started chatting, I didn’t want to show how scared I was so I acted normal. He actually seemed okay so I sat and talked to him for a while. At some point, people started waking up and wandering around the house. I thought everyone would just leave but a lot of people started making food and getting in to groups again.

 

“One of the guys that took me to the party noticed me and asked me where I’d gone the night before, since I wasn’t sure what happened myself at the time, I just said I’d got a little too drunk and laughed it off. I don’t know why I didn’t just leave, but I felt caught, a lot of these people seemed so nice and it felt good to be with people who didn’t know me. They had this whole different view of me that no one else in my life had. So there I sat, chatting and stuff until the evening. Someone had even ordered pizza and I got offered some.

 

“When it got dark, I noticed everyone had started drinking again. New faces appeared and old faces disappeared but many hung around from the night before. The party was starting up all over again and something told me to just stay. God knows why, I knew I’d been drugged the night before. Fuck, I’m such a fool but I could remember how much I hadn’t hurt that night, how everything felt good. Even though I’d been drugged and taken advantage of, I hadn’t been in pain throughout the whole thing, I’d felt free.

 

“I was more careful that night, I made my own drinks, I never took anything offered to me. Then, well some guy offered me some drugs. It felt different knowing I could take them freely with me aware of what I’m taking. Again, I remembered the night before, the lack of hurt. So I took some, it was just a little pill and I noticed a lot of people around were taking the same thing. I felt the same as before, it was the same drug I guess. But this time, it was, well it was fucking fun, I knew I had taken it, I knew the people around me were in the same state. It was euphoric. We danced and we sang and we shouted. Then, well we fucked.”

 

Baekhyun stopped. Not sure if he should carry on. This wasn’t him. He lost himself for a week and he knew his friends would look at him different. He looked at Chanyeol, scared to meet his eyes. “Baek, I’m not going to walk out on you. Everyone loses themselves sometimes, heck I did stupid shit when Tae left me too. Don’t be scared, okay? We’re here and we’re not leaving.” Baekhyun nodded, comforted by Chanyeol’s words.

 

“Well, there was a lot of them, just doing things to each other in every room of the house. Everywhere you went was just people high and fucking. If I was just my normal self, I would have been freaked out and I would have ran out of there, but I was just as high as them and I felt out of control. I joined in. I don’t know how many people I slept with, I know it wasn’t just guys and I don’t even like women so what the fuck.

 

“I woke up the next morning and I just wanted to stay. I’d felt good the past few days and I felt like I’d actually turned my brain off. Some people left, some new people came, some people like me just hung around for days. It was like this whole hidden community of people who never asked questions, there was this unspoken understanding that we all hurt, that we all had something to forget so we just let go. I wasn’t drugged or hurt again. I did it all out of my own choice, like a fucking fool.

 

“I never went upstairs again though, I was too scared. I knew what happened to me up there and I wanted to forget it. But last night, last night guess who walked through the fucking door? Yeah, Sehun, with that Luhan guy and a bunch of others. He didn’t see me thank god, but as soon as I saw him, it was like my brain turned on. I panicked, I realised what I had actually been doing the past week. I remembered I actually have a life, I have classes and dreams, I have you guys for fuck sake. I thought about how much you two care about me, and the others. I thought about how worried you must have been and figured you would have been looking for me. I felt like the worst person in the world, I still do.

 

“So I just ran, I ran away. I kept running, I wasn’t thinking, I was high as hell and before I knew it, I was here. I was banging on the door, begging for Chanyeol to let me in. My mind was begging for my life to come back. I thought I had escaped the pain but I had only made it so much worse. I shut myself off, I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t want to remember everything I had done. It wasn’t me. I don’t do those things.

 

“I felt myself be lifted up and I felt Chanyeol’s warmth and it just broke me. To know that he was still here after everything, after everything I must have put him through. I didn’t only hurt myself, I hurt everyone around me.” Baekhyun looked up, tears pouring down his face, he saw the other two were crying too. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He sobbed out.

 

Chanyeol and Jongdae both stood up and pulled Baekhyun into their arms. The three of them stood there crying and hugging for the longest time. Letting go of their frustration and acknowledging their pain. Trying to send comfort to the others and mostly, trying to convince Baekhyun that things would be okay.

 

They had both had so many ideas about where Baekhyun was and what he was doing, but they had never considered this. They had never thought their friend was going through so much, they had never thought the extent of his suffering would be so huge.

 

Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel completely useless and unworthy. He hadn’t been there to save Baekhyun, he hadn’t looked far enough to find Baekhyun and in the end, it was Baekhyun who saved himself and came back to him.

 

The three of them sat there in silence for a while, none of them really sure what to say but all of them finding extreme comfort in each other. Baekhyun felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders knowing that even after being completely honest about everything that had happened, his friends hadn’t left him. They had embraced him and whispered words of assurance in his ear. He had been so terrified that his friends would leave him, that they would look at him in disgust but he hadn’t once seen a flicker of any feeling in their eyes except love, pain and care.

 

Eventually they pulled away from each other. Jongdae was still lost of words and felt relieved when Chanyeol started speaking, knowing that he would say exactly what Baekhyun needed to hear.

 

“I won’t sugar coat it Baek, yeah you was stupid, real stupid. But you was hurting, you was in so much pain and you turned yourself off. You aren’t the first person to do it and you sure won’t be the last. Don’t be so hard on yourself about it, okay? You’ll have your regrets about it of course, but learn from it, don’t let it drag you further down. Just, don’t run away from us again, you know we won’t ever turn away from you. Fuck Baek, I had no idea what to do the past week. I did nothing but search for you, I couldn’t focus on studying or sleeping or eating when I didn’t know where you were or what you was doing.

 

“You might have been ashamed about what you had done that first night and you may have wanted to hide from us, but you should have known I would never hate you for it. Yeah, I would have been angry that you would do something so stupid after coming so far, but I know for a fact that if 2 months after Tae left me he came up to me when I was drunk as hell and wanted to fuck me, I would’ve done it too. In that moment, I wouldn’t have cared about how much I had tried to move on. So it’s okay, you made a mistake, everyone does.

 

“Just, please Baek. Don’t run away again. Always come to me, or Jongdae. Don’t run from those who care for you, those who can help you. We’ll never leave you, ever and don’t you dare forget it.”

 

“I’m sorry, I should’ve known to just come to you.” Baekhyun was coughing the words out through his sobs, “I was just scared, but I won’t do it again. I promise, I really do.”

 

Conversations passed between the three guys, they moved on from the topic eventually, talking about uni and their futures. Their hopes and dreams for the years to come. They spoke about memories of younger years, Chanyeol crying with laughter as Jongdae made him aware of how hilariously stupid Baekhyun has been as a child.

 

Slowly, throughout the time spent together, Baekhyun began to feel normal again. He felt stupid for thinking running away was his best choice but he felt calm knowing his friends wouldn’t leave him even after all he put them through. He felt at peace in their presence.

 

As evening fell, Jongdae got up to go home. Chanyeol said goodbye to him at the door as Baekhyun was cooking dinner for the two. Before Jongdae left, he turned to Chanyeol and looked at him with wise eyes. “Look after him. He loves you too you know, he’s just not ready to admit it to himself yet. He’ll come to you one day, don’t let him go.”

 

Chanyeol just stared at the guy in front of him. “W-what?”

 

“You’re an open book Chanyeol, everyone knows it. Just not Baekhyun.” He laughed, “see you tomorrow.” With that he walked away, leaving Chanyeol staring at the door.

 

Little did either of them know, Baekhyun had heard Jongdae’s words. He’d come through to say bye to Jongdae again as the food simmered away but had froze when he heard his friend's words. He didn’t know what to do, panicking, he went back to the kitchen. He thought it would be best to pretend he didn’t hear their conversation. He stared into the food as he stirred it.

 

Does Chanyeol really feel like that? Do I? That’s what Dae said. Of course I don’t. Chanyeol is a friend, my saviour. Chanyeol is the one person I feel most comfortable around, he can calm me without saying anything and when he does say something, it’s always exactly the right thing. I feel so warm and happy around him, he’s the only person who can make me forget my heart is broken. He doesn’t make my heart hurt, he makes it flutter. He’s the first person I think of when I need help. He’s even the first person I think of when I wake up, especially when I wake up alone, I wake up wishing I was with him.

 

Oh… Shit…

 

“Smells good Baek.” Baekhyun jumped when he heard Chanyeol’s words, not realising he wasn’t alone. “What you thinking about? You were so deep in thought I thought you’d fall in the food.” His deep laugh wrapped around Baekhyun, warming the icy chills currently coursing through his veins.

 

“Ah, um, nothing. Just things you know. Foods almost done.” He was suddenly feeling really awkward and he couldn’t understand why. Chanyeol could feel the sudden tension in the room but put it down to everything Baekhyun had been through the past week. Completely oblivious to the fact that as he had been watching Baekhyun cooking their dinner lost in thought, Baekhyun was having a revelation, Baekhyun had learnt something he had always pushed aside as wanting comfort. Baekhyun had fallen just as deep as Chanyeol but he was too broken to accept it.

 

They fell asleep that night in each other’s arms, both crying and clinging onto the other. Baekhyun because of his regret and his heartbreak, Chanyeol because of his relief and heartache.


	23. Chapter 23

The two awoke and continued their usual routine, the tension between them lingered but both ignored it and tried to act like things were as they had always been. They went to their lessons, they studied hard and they practised for their finals together.

 

In the next two weeks that passed, Baekhyun never spend a night at his own apartment. He went back there often, to grab some belongings, to spend a little time alone with his thoughts. But he couldn’t bring himself to spend the night there, he knew he wouldn’t sleep a wink and Chanyeol was more than happy to let him stay over.

 

Even with the tension between them, they still fell asleep every night with their limbs entwined and their breath swirling together. They both slept deeply and comfortably together, all their worries floating away.

 

Tension was highest first thing in the morning, when one would awake before the other. They would stare at the others sleeping face, burning their features into their mind. Neither knew the other did the same thing, neither knew that the other was falling just as deep at the exact same speed.

 

Baekhyun had spent many hours crying into Chanyeol’s chest, and Chanyeol was always there to comfort him and whisper the soothing words that he never ran out of. Baekhyun was still hurting, still regretting but in Chanyeol’s presence, he always felt like things would get better faster than he could imagine. He always felt like Chanyeol was the only one who could fix him.

 

Chanyeol spent all his days worried about Baekhyun, he knew the other would not run away like he did before, but he still worried for him all the time. He knew it would take Baekhyun time to feel like himself again, to truly feel okay but he knew, he knew with all his heart that he would never give up on Baekhyun. He would stay by Baekhyun’s side until he was fixed and completely happy. He hoped he could stay for a long, long time after that. He hoped he could be the reason why Baekhyun would be completely happy.

 

Finals had crept up so fast and before they knew it, it was the day of their practicals. Both of their classes had their performances on the same day which meant Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were all performing that day. They were all together in one of the practise rooms, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were performing one after the other but the other two didn’t have their performances until an hour later.

 

All of them were nervous, running through their performances and practising the bits they were the least confident about. They were all assuring each other that they would do great, promising each other that no one would be left behind. Half an hour before the first performances, Jongin and Minseok popped by to wish their boyfriends luck and told them that they would be in the audience, pouring their love on to the stage.

 

Both Chanyeol and Baekhyun knew they should practise instead of watching their friends perform, but they had spent so much time helping each other out that there was no way they would miss it. Their friends completely blew them away, they had the most beautiful voices. Kyungsoo performing runs better than Baekhyun had ever heard and Jongdae effortlessly belting out high and low notes. They were both so proud of their friends for doing amazing and ran backstage to congratulate them with bear hugs and shouts of joy before running off to spend the next hour practising their own pieces.

 

Finally, the time came for them to head to the stage. Chanyeol was to perform first, which he was thankful for as he felt like Baekhyun’s performance would shake him to the core and render him unable to perform his own. Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a tight hug before he went on stage. “You will do amazing, I know you will. Don’t be nervous, okay? I promise that they will be blown away by you. Never put your singing voice down because I think it is one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. It is unique and stunning. So you can do this!” He had to stop himself from kissing Chanyeol as he pulled away from the hug. As Chanyeol walked onto the stage, Baekhyun stood still where he was.

 

_What the heck was that? Why did I almost kiss him? I just wanted to wish him luck and give him courage. I almost ruined it all. I need to be more careful. I can’t be impulsive here, our friendship is too important to me._

 

Chanyeol settled down in front of the piano on the stage. A thousand thoughts running through his mind but as he remembered Baekhyun’s words, he managed to settle his mind and focus on only the music. He played his first piece perfectly, better than he had ever practised it. He felt the music as he played it and knew his heart was wasn’t going to take all the hiding for much longer.

 

He finished his piece and the audience started clapping, he looked over to the examiners who seemed pleased. He took a deep breath as he moved over to the stool in the centre of the stage. He picked up his guitar, closed his eyes and started to pluck on the strings. Eventually, he opened his mouth and let the words flow. He had never known the song to be so deep and emotional until he played it right then on that stage. He had tears in his eyes by the end, he looked over and saw Baekhyun still standing where he left him at the side of the stage, beaming up at him. His smile was enough to take Chanyeol’s breath away and he felt all the courage in the world run through his veins.

 

He walked off the stage and gave Baekhyun a tight hug and he encouraged the other for his performance. Baekhyun was shaky and nervous, Chanyeol knew the other didn’t think he was good enough. But he whispered encouragements and held himself back, knowing if he said what he really wanted then he would scare Baekhyun off and ruin his chances of doing his best.

 

Baekhyun tentatively walked onto the stage and sat in front of the piano, his fingers ran across the keys as he breathed deeply. He was sure he could feel Chanyeol’s love bursting from the piano and surrounding him in a blinding light. He felt all his courage return and for the first time, felt like he was good enough to do this. He played his piece, his delicate fingers effortlessly dancing across the piano keys, his voice crawling its way into the heart of everyone present. No one could deny the absolute beauty of Baekhyun’s voice, no one could deny the intense emotion that burst out of him. Emotion that flowed with no hesitation.

 

However, Chanyeol couldn’t help but notice how different this performance was from the first time he had heard Baekhyun play this song. The emotion was different, he didn’t feel like the person on stage was broken as he did when he first heard it. It didn’t sound like a song of heartache and pain anymore, it sounded like an admission of longing, of need, a confession of hidden feelings and a scared, healing heart.

 

Chanyeol was crying silently by the time Baekhyun had finished, unaware of his tears he was still lost in the music he had just heard. He didn’t even notice Baekhyun walk off the stage, his face grinning and his heart racing.

 

“Chanyeoooooool, helloooo?” He finally snapped out of his trance as he saw Baekhyun in front of him, confusion in his eyes. His face beamed when he saw Chanyeol had finally took notice. “Are you okay? How did I do?”

 

Chanyeol opened his mouth before he could think, “Baekhyun that was just, beautiful and perfect and shit Baek, the things you do to me. How am I supposed to hold back any longer?”

 

Baekhyun looked up, eyes wide. “What, what do you mean Chan?” Before he could even contemplate the words of the taller, he felt warm arms embrace him and soft lips press against his own, gently and hesitantly. He was too shocked to kiss back, a million thoughts running through his mind. As soon as he was aware what was really going on, Chanyeol pulled away. Before he had a chance to pull Chanyeol back, to reassure him that he had just done the one thing Baekhyun wanted. Chanyeol mumbled something about sorry and walked off.

 

Baekhyun stood still for a moment, his heart pounding, his chest heaving, his limbs shaking. He still wasn’t fully comprehending what had just happened. But before he could even take a moment to let his mind work over it all, his feet started moving. His body took off into a run, trying to chase down the man who just kissed him.

 

He ran through corridor after corridor but couldn’t find the man he was seeking anywhere. He bumped into his friends and asked them if they had seen the taller but they had not. He wanted to stay behind and congratulate his friends more on their performances, he wanted to chat to them and celebrate that they had all done well. He couldn't though because the only thought coursing through his mind like a mantra was _Chanyeol Chanyeol Chanyeol Chanyeol._

 

He panted his way to Chanyeol’s home to find it empty, he heaved on the way to his own apartment and found no trace of anyone there. Feeling dejected and alone, he decided to go back to the one place that had always allowed him to think in peace. The one place he could forget the world around him and let his mind flow. He knew he should let Chanyeol have some space if that’s what he needed. _But damn, did he really have to just run off like that? He didn’t even give me a chance to react. Maybe he is just as scared as I am._

 

Dropping his bag on his couch and grabbing his headphones, he headed off to the park, to sit under his favourite tree. The one place he could truly contemplate. The place where the two happiest moments of his life had occurred. The place where Sehun had first kissed him and made his delicate, teenage heart soar with love and the place where he had first met Chanyeol, his saviour and his only piece of true joy through all the pain.

 

As he got closer to his space, he noticed someone lying exactly where he would always lie. He took his headphones out and squinted his eyes. With every step he took the body in front of him got clearer. He slowed almost to a stop before he reached the man lying on the grass.

 

He could barely breathe the word out, but he managed it, hardly louder than a whisper. “Chanyeol.”


	24. Chapter 24

Baekhyun wasn’t sure if Chanyeol had heard him but he tentatively stepped forward. He looked down at the man lying before him and noticed he had his eyes closed with his headphones in. He looked so peaceful and calm that Baekhyun didn’t want to disturb him. He knew they both needed some time to think but he really didn’t want to be alone and he didn’t want Chanyeol to be alone, and most of all, he wanted to be by Chanyeol’s side in that moment.

 

He took a deep breath and lie down next to Chanyeol, close enough that he could sense the other next to him but far enough that they were not quite touching. He stuck his headphones back in and closed his eyes. He felt so much calmer in Chanyeol’s presence, even though it was the same man who was currently causing all the emotions buzzing through his body. He remembered feeling like this before years ago, the same emotions coursing through his veins. But this time was different. This time it was more. More intense, more electrifying. So much more exciting yet terrifying.

 

Chanyeol kept his eyes closed but he knew who had just filled the space next to him. He wasn’t sure why he had come to Baekhyun’s safe space when he needed a space of his own. Maybe Baekhyun was the reason. If it made Baekhyun feel safe and calm, then surely it would help him too? He felt comforted just knowing Baekhyun had spent a lot of time there, knowing Baekhyun had let out a lot of grief there. But deep in his mind, in a place where he wasn’t aware of, he had took himself there because Baekhyun would find him there. It was a place they could be together where no one would find them and where they could both sort through their mind in the other’s silent company.

 

Neither of them knew how long they had been there, lost in their own thoughts, lost in made up scenarios and curiosities of the days to come. But at some point, they found themselves hugging the other tight, as if they were clinging for dear life. Both had silent tears running down their faces. Tiny, glistening droplets of worry, hope and dreams. Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun’s forehead and took a deep breath through his nose, cherishing the scent of the other, a scent he would never forget for as long as he lived.

 

“I’m scared Chanyeol. I’m so scared.”

 

Chanyeol’s heart tensed at those words, regret and anguish poured into his mind. “I know Baek. I’m so sorry. I was caught up in the moment and I didn’t hold myself back, I know I should’ve. You just, you looked so beautiful up there on the stage, your hands moving so gracefully, your voice filling the room like nothing else I’ve ever heard. My mind telling me the reasons behind your song had changed, it felt different in my heart, like it had changed for you and it wasn’t about him anymore. Stupid I know. I’m sorry Baekhyun, you’re my best friend, please don’t leave me.”

 

He hugged Baekhyun close, terrified he would get up and leave. Fear stabbing him all over, his mind full of anxious thoughts telling him he would be left alone again, that despite how hard he tried, he would never deserve such a perfect person.

 

“Chanyeol, I, no, that’s not why I’m scared. I’m not scared because you did the wrong thing. I’m scared because you did exactly the right thing. I’m scared because that was exactly what I wanted. I’m scared to believe someone could really want me, or even love me. I was so deep before and then I found out I had been falling all alone. I’m scared because no matter how much I trust you, no matter how much I want to fall in love with you, I don’t think my heart will let me believe you could ever feel that way too. I don’t deserve it.”

 

He found himself crying the hardest he had cried since he turned up at Chanyeol’s door that night. Grasping onto Chanyeol’s top and struggling to breathe, he tried to calm his mind down, he tried to tell himself he was being stupid and that not everyone would do what Sehun did, that he deserved to be happy again. But there was always this voice in his mind, telling him to stop wishing, to stop dreaming because he would never be good enough for someone as amazing as Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol held onto the person in his arms, his heart breaking at the thought of Baekhyun believing he didn’t deserve to be loved. Despite his own tears, his own anguish and his own struggling breath, he knew the only thing he should do right now was comfort Baekhyun. He didn’t care about his own feelings when he could see Baekhyun so broken, when he could feel so much pain flowing out of the man he loved.

 

“You deserve the world Baekhyun. You’re broken and you’re hurting, you still feel so raw so of course your mind won’t let you believe love could be true for you. But believe me Baekhyun, you deserve more than anyone I have ever known. You are so damn strong, look at everything you have been through recently, yet here you are. You did your performance today, you did it perfectly, not a single flaw. You still have your friends, you still have an amazing life ahead of you and you still have yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to love yourself Baekhyun because I have never met someone so amazing and so damn perfect. You are the only person who will ever hold my heart, I can sense it in the depths of my soul, and whether it takes you a day or 10 years to believe me, it doesn’t matter because I’ll still be here waiting. I’ll be your best friend until that day, damn I’ll still be your best friend after that day, but I won’t leave you just because you can’t believe me Baek. I won’t leave you no matter what.”

 

He could’ve carried on talking for hours but he wasn’t sure if he was helping the other or making it all worse.

 

Baekhyun listened to every word Chanyeol said, his heart simultaneously breaking and mending with every syllable. No one had ever said such words to him, had ever been so brutally honest with words he couldn’t believe. He didn’t love himself, he wasn’t sure he ever could, but for a moment, as he was lost in Chanyeol’s words, he truly believed it to be possible. For the first time in months, he could honestly trust the fact that someone who loved him so deeply wouldn’t leave him. He could trust the fact that someone could love him so deeply at all. Even though he knew he wasn’t ready, even though he knew his heart was still so exposed from all the pain, even though he was terrified and broken, all Baekhyun wanted to do was dive in headfirst.

 

As if Chanyeol could read Baekhyun’s mind, he replied to the thoughts running through his head. “I will never, ever ask you to do anything you’re not ready for. You know that right? Even if you love me too but you’re too scared to feel it honestly, that’s okay Baek. Take your time, find yourself. Find out who you truly are as a person, you was with Sehun for a long time and that can change a person, change how they act and how they think. I’m not asking you to come to me today unless you want to. But I mean what I say, I will wait for you for as long as it takes and I will love you and care for you and be there for you until the day I die. It sounds extreme and cheesy I know, but right now, I truly mean it. I’ve never even said soppy shit like this before, but something about you just brings it all out of me.” He laughed to himself and looked down to the person in his arms.

 

He wiped the tears from Baekhyun cheeks and swept the hair out of his eyes. Baekhyun looked up at him, mouth open but no words coming out as if his voice had truly left him. He wanted to talk, he had so many things to say, he just couldn’t find the courage to let the words come out. Despite wanting to look deep in Chanyeol’s eyes, he closed his own and breathed deeply. Searching deep in his heart for the courage he needed. He needed to speak, he couldn’t let Chanyeol say such beautiful things to him without reassuring him how much he felt the same and how much he appreciated his presence and his forever comforting words.

 

“Chanyeol, I, I want to be with you right now, I do, so fucking much. But I can’t, not right now. You kissing me made me truly understand my feelings for you, how much I’ve been blindly falling all this time. But I’m still trying to crawl out of the last hole I fell down too. I can’t put you through that, I can’t put us through that. Starting a relationship when I’m still hurt over another, when I’m still not completely over him, that’s not good. It’ll be destined for pain and failure from the start. I want to just close my eyes and dive straight in, but I know that’s stupid. I know that’s the worst thing to do and for once in my life, I don’t want to be stupid. I want to do the right thing Chanyeol. I want it to be right and perfect when we are together. It might feel perfect right now in this moment, but we both know it’s not for the best right now, right?”

 

He opened his eyes again and saw Chanyeol still gazing down at him. “I know Baekhyun. I know it’s best. I’m sorry for kissing you so abruptly, but at least we finally got these feelings out in the open. We can just be how we’ve always been, nothing will change, okay? Let’s not make things awkward. Come on, let’s go home. We should probably see what everyone else is doing, since they’re probably all celebrating their performances today. You know Jongin and Yixing had their dance performances today too, and Junmyeon and Minseok had their performances yesterday so I think everyone’s free. We should join them if they’re doing something, have some fun with our friends, yeah?”

 

Baekhyun smiled and nodded. They got up and headed back to Chanyeol’s apartment, hand in hand. It felt completely right and normal to be holding each other as they walked. They both felt like there was something different between them now, even though they’re not a couple, they could both feel there was more than friendship between them and they were both entirely happy with that fact. Taking things slow and steady, without jumping in or forcing themselves to do more than they were prepared for, this was exactly what they both needed. Their hearts were grateful to the others for being understanding, for feeling exactly the same. There was no pressure between them, no labels or questions of the future, they would just take things as they came. It wasn’t conventional but for them, it was perfect.


	25. Chapter 25

After getting home and calling Jongdae, they found out their friends were having a party. They had tried to tell Baekhyun earlier but he had been so frantic in trying to find Chanyeol that he didn’t hear them. He hadn’t acknowledged any of their words after they said they didn’t know where Chanyeol had gone.  
  


The two decided to join their friends, they wanted to have some fun with them. Things had been so stressful lately and they had been through so much. There were times when they forgot they had such a wonderful group of friends who would be there to help them forget their worries. Their friends had all watched silently at the growing relationship between the two, they were all very aware of the unspoken feelings there but they knew better than to get involved. They knew the relationship would one day blossom and they could sense that the only way that would ever happen would be if the two were left to take things as they came and discover things on their own.

 

The two got ready for the party, both going out of their way to look the best. They felt like they had been slacking a little on their looks recently. Chanyeol didn’t have to do much to get ready, since he was quite simple with his look. He styled his hair a bit but he never really bothered with make-up. We wore some ripped blue skinny jeans and threw on one of his favourite baggy, yellow tops. Baekhyun however, decided to go all out. His hair was freshly dyed black a few days ago, it was glossy and fluffy so he decided to take advantage of it. He left it fluffy and mostly unstyled other than messing it up a little before adding some hairspray. He had grown to love the messy look. He decided to put on some make-up, he never wore much but he applied a touch of eyeliner to accentuate his eyes. He was wearing skin tight black jeans, a long black and red checked shirt and over the top he wore a denim jacket with palm trees along the bottom half. He smiled at himself in the mirror before walking out into the living room where Chanyeol was.

 

He heart yet again jumped when he saw the other sitting on the couch, scrolling through something on his phone. Baekhyun loved it when people wore yellow, it made them look so bright and beautiful. Chanyeol could be wearing anything and Baekhyun would still find him beautiful but he really loved it when Chanyeol wore yellow, he especially loved the way the bright, happy top contrasted against the ripped, messy jeans. He love the sort of styled silver hair that seemed to make Chanyeol glow. Baekhyun was taken back to the day they had met, how he had observed Chanyeol and how even back then, in all his confusion, he had still thought Chanyeol was cute, he had still loved the other’s style and the way he held himself. He smiled to himself as he thought about how far they had come and how different things were between them now.

 

For the first time, Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol with only love in his eyes. There was no pain, no heartache, no fear. For the first time, Baekhyun could see himself with Chanyeol, with no worries or barriers between them. He truly felt in that moment that everything would be fine, that they could be together. He believed that Chanyeol would cherish him until the end of their days, and he would cherish Chanyeol just as much. He could picture the love they would always share, he could see their cute dates and their pointless arguments. He felt his heart soar as he anticipated the future. Even if only 2 hours ago he said he wasn’t ready, some part of him told him that he was, told him that the part of him that was still hurting wasn’t significant anymore, that it wasn’t worth putting off his own future and happiness anymore.

 

Chanyeol sensed the other in the room and looked up, smiling. He had been scrolling through his photos, through all the cute selfies they had taken together, through the candid photos he secretly took of Baekhyun sometimes. He would often look through the photos, whenever he was happy, whenever he was sad, whenever he was anxious. Seeing their memories together would always calm his bad feelings or elate his happy ones even further. He could see something unreadable in Baekhyun’s eyes, it scared him for a moment since he was always able to read the other so easily, but Baekhyun looked happy standing there, in fact, Baekhyun was glowing. He let his worries go and stood up. “Ready to go, Baek?”

 

Baekhyun snapped out of his trance, “yeah, let’s go!” He grinned and grabbed Chanyeol’s hand, practically dragging him out of door. They walked and ran and danced their way to Jongdae’s apartment, totally lost in their own world. Completely lost in this new joy between them, in the finally spoken feelings and their connected hearts. Baekhyun didn’t let go of Chanyeol’s hand the whole time, he felt warmth emanating from the hand and enveloping him entirely, he never wanted to let it go. Their hearts soared as they walked together, as they silently crossed the invisible boundaries between them.

 

Jongdae opened the door to his apartment to let his two friends in, he smiled and shouted his hello above the music. It didn’t go unnoticed that the two were holding hands but he didn’t say anything, he knew it didn’t necessarily mean anything and he knew it was best to let them come to him to tell him if there was anything going on. He went through to the kitchen to make them some drinks before going back to join all his friends in the living room. He didn’t have a very big apartment so it was a bit cramped with all of them in there, but everyone was having fun so the space didn’t matter. He saw the two new arrivals had sat on the couch and were chatting to Junmyeon and Yixing so he handed them their drinks before joining his own boyfriend on the other couch.

 

The night passed by quickly, as the best nights always do. The group fit well together and knew how to have fun. They sang and they danced, sometimes, well, mostly badly. They sat around and told stories, they planned their futures and shared their dreams. There hadn’t been many nights where they had all got together as a group and drank like this, since the two separate groups had only really started hanging out after Chanyeol and Baekhyun met. But it didn’t take long for them to be a firm group of friends. By 2am, the group were varying levels of drunk. Most of them were completely wasted, completely letting go after the stress of their exams. Some had already started passing out in various corners and chairs in Jongdae’s apartment. He had already guessed that the majority of them would end up sleeping there so he had got blankets out hours ago.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol didn’t get too drunk, they drank enough to get that boost of confidence and to fully join in with the fun their friends were having but they didn’t get wasted. Baekhyun wasn’t ready to let go that much after everything that had happened that awful week and Chanyeol didn’t want to lose his senses so he could look after Baekhyun. Also, they both wanted to make it home that night, they wanted the comfort of Chanyeol’s bed and they didn’t want to wake up hurting after sleeping in some strange position. Since people had already begun passing out and the night was winding down, they decided then was a good time to go. They said goodbye to those still awake, Minseok crying on Baekhyun’s shoulder, telling Baekhyun how much he loved him and how proud he was for getting through his exams. Then started crying about how much he loved Jongdae, how happy he was and how he wanted to be this happy forever.

 

Jongdae managed to pry his drunk, emotional boyfriend off his best friend before bidding the pair goodbye. He tucked Minseok into bed then checked on everyone else in the other rooms, he covered the sleeping ones with blankets, moving some of them off kitchen chairs and onto the carpeted floor in the living room. He felt like such a mum but he wanted to be sure they were all safe and had a comfortable sleep. He knew is apartment was going to be full of groaning and moaning in the morning. Walking back through to his bedroom, he sat on his bed looking down at his boyfriend. A smile spread across his lips as he thought about Baekhyun, as he thought about how strong his best friend is. He knew there was more to Baekhyun and Chanyeol than met the eye, he knew someday, hopefully soon, he would be hearing news of how they were a couple and how much they were in love and embracing their lives. He knew Baekhyun would deserve nothing more than that. As he lie down and closed his eyes, his mind ran through images of the two walking home hand in hand, of them tipsily dancing through the park, of them sharing a hurried and blushed kiss under a tree, of them snuggling in bed together and passing out with thoughts of love on their minds and in their hearts.

 

As sleep began to take over him, his mind drifted to his own relationship. He thought of how he and Minseok had been nothing more than friends only a few months ago, how they had a great friendship and how he had never seemed to see the other as anything more. He thought about their past, their present and their future. He could see them finally graduating, finally making their own music and living their dream as singers. He could see them buying their first house, going to shelter and picking out the saddest looking dog and turning him into the happiest dog alive. He could see them glowing, he hoped for nothing more in all his heart that this would be his future. To anyone who didn’t know them, he would look naive and childish, like he was rushing into a future that was undecided, like he was hoping over young love. But he knew it would be hard to break him and Minseok, he knew the other loved him just as deeply and he knew they would both fight through the hardest of times to stay together.

 

As Baekhyun and Chanyeol left Jongdae’s apartment building, Chanyeol slung his arm over the smaller’s shoulder, grinning in tipsy delight as they walked home together. Baekhyun felt warm and safe with that arm over him and with that body so close to his side. He grinned just as widely as Chanyeol and for all the same reasons. They walked slowly down the streets, enjoying the cool night air and each other’s company. They talked about pointless things, they swapped topics randomly and carelessly.

 

The whole night, despite having fun with it friends, there was only one thought running through Baekhyun’s mind. The back of his mind was constantly telling him to just let it all go and be in love again, to risk the pain because Chanyeol was worth it and if things didn’t work out then it was better to know that now than after waiting for a long time. His mind had showed him so many scenarios, convincing himself that things would be okay and that he deserved this happiness. By the time the two left their friend’s apartment, he had already made his decision.

 

He was nervous, terrified. It was hard to stop himself shaking but the little alcohol that was running through his system helped calm the worst of his nerves. He wasn’t nervous because he thought Chanyeol would reject him, he was nervous because he didn’t want everything to go perfect for so long then come crashing down in the future. He wanted to be happy with Chanyeol for as long as he lived. He’d never met anyone else who he connected with so deeply, never met anyone else who he felt quite so comfortable around. The atmosphere between then was always perfect whether they were happy or sad.

 

Yes, he had made his decision. He would tell Chanyeol tonight, he had to, he couldn’t sit on this any longer. The nerves would eat him alive if he did.

 

They got home and it didn’t take them long to get ready for bed, both wanting a nice, deep sleep after the long day they had had. Chanyeol flopped into the bed first. “Such a tiring day, I’m ready to sleep for a year.”

 

“More like a century,” Baekhyun giggled.

 

“Damn don’t sleep for that long Baek, I can’t be the prince who wakes you up if it’s a whole century! Or maybe I can, but I’ll be all old and senile, I would probably kiss the bedpost instead of you.” They both burst into laughter at Chanyeol’s cheesiness, he definitely saved the moment with the joke at the end, they both were cringing when he called himself a prince. The conversation died down soon and they settled into an easy silence.

 

Lying there, both looking at the ceiling, Baekhyun opened his mouth, throwing all his fears out the window. He knew it was now or never, he might never get the courage again. “I don’t want to be driven by fear anymore, I don’t want to wait because I don’t feel ready. What if I never feel ready because I’m too scared? I just want to be with you Chanyeol. I want to risk it all for you, for us. I want to get rid of these invisible boundaries between us. I don’t want to rush and fuck things up but I don’t want to wait so long that the waiting and confusion tears us apart. If you don’t agree with me, then that’s okay. I just want you to know how I feel.”

 

Chanyeol turned over and looked at the person next to him, he sighed deeply. “I know you want to, I don’t think you’re rushing for the wrong reasons. But I’ve thought about it a lot tonight Baek. Now isn’t the time. Hell, it’s only been two weeks since all that shit happened. I don’t want to truly call you mine until I have fixed you entirely. We can break boundaries, some of them, sure. Bring all your stuff here and get rid of that useless apartment of yours, I’d love to have you here properly, you basically already are. We can hold hands and cuddle and share every thought we have. We can be best friends, but even closer than that. But I can’t take you as mine fully yet Baekhyun. This isn’t me rejecting you, not at all. If I followed my impulses right now I would have said we were together straight away but I want to take time. I want to fix you first Baek, then we’ll be truly together, every boundary crossed. We can wait for that moment, can’t we?”


	26. Chapter 24.

Summer had officially started and no one had to even think about university other than going in to get their results in a month’s time. They were all excited to have a well-deserved break, two months of no lessons and doing whatever the hell they wanted. Baekhyun had literally no commitments for the whole break but all the others had plans to go home to their parents for a long weekend. Baekhyun wasn’t sure what he would do during those days, probably just stay home in his pyjamas and binge watch tv.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were currently sitting in the living room, tired out after moving all of Baekhyun’s belongings into the apartment. He still technically had until the end of the month to move but they decided to get it over and done with so they didn’t have to think about it again. Baekhyun made sure that Chanyeol knew he wouldn’t be a freeloader, he would do his share of the cooking and cleaning and he wanted to pay his half of the rent. Chanyeol wouldn’t let him at first saying his parents paid the rent anyway so they wouldn’t mind but Baekhyun was insistent, he didn’t want to keep taking things from Chanyeol, let alone Chanyeol’s parents.

Looking around at their hard work, their smiles grew wide. “I love it Baek, it looks so much nicer in here now with all your stuff. There’s just little pieces of you everywhere and it’s awesome. It’s homely in here, I always thought there was something missing and apparently it was you.” They laughed at each other, Baekhyun had to agree it did look more complete now.

“Hey, we should invite people over, I have another housewarming party to throw.”

“I’m not sure this truly counts as moving since you’ve basically been living here all this time.” Baekhyun playfully punched his arm, “but yeah, that sounds great! Summer is all about nights with friends after all.”

They sent texts to everyone in their group, inviting them over for ‘a calm party’, they knew it would end up more hectic than that, but they wanted their friends to at least come with the idea to not go crazy. After putting some finishing touches to the apartment, the two headed out to the shop to grab some drinks and snacks, they’d just be ordering a bunch of pizzas because, in Baekhyun’s words, “fuck cooking dinner for 9 people.”

Snacks and drinks laid out on the kitchen counter, blankets piled up in the corner of the living room and pizza ordered, they were finally ready for their friends to turn up. They sat on the couch with drinks in hand, making plans for the summer whilst they waited. Jongdae and Minseok turned up first, embracing their friends, gushing over the fact that they had moved in together. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had to remind them several times that this didn’t mean they were a couple. The turned the tables quickly by joking that it was the real couple’s turn next to move in together. This was answered with blushes and awkward laughs.

Kyungsoo and Jongin were next to turn up, both already a little tipsy. “We had some vodka in our apartment and Jongin thought pre drinks would be a good idea, despite the whole calm party thing.” Kyungsoo explained.

“Don’t worry, we knew the whole calm thing wouldn’t last long, this must be a record though, it’s been what, 5 minutes?” Chanyeol said through laughs as he headed to answer the door. This time it was Kris, with a friend. “Hey Kris, who’s your friend?”

“Hey Yeol, this is Tao, we met the other day. I hope you don’t mind that I brought him along?” Kris answered as he walked in.

“Nah it’s fine, he’s your friend so he’s welcomed. Hey Tao, I’m Chanyeol.” Tao said a shy hi back as they headed through to the living room. “Everyone this is Tao, Kris’ friend, he’ll be here tonight.” He introduced all his friends one by one, giving cheeky remarks about them all as he went.

“We’re a weird bunch but we’ll welcome you well and I’m sure you’ll feel comfortable soon enough.” Jongdae said with a smile.

Everyone else turned up over the next hour and the night started off lightly, a few drinks and lots of pizza. Kyungsoo and Jongin were of course ahead of everyone else but they made sure not to get embarrassingly drunk before everyone else did. It didn’t take long for people to notice that Tao seemed to be a little more than Kris’ new ‘friend’ but no one said anything yet since they didn’t want to make the newcomer feel awkward.

The night passed as all their nights together did, lots of music and singing and stupid shit. They indeed surpassed the ‘calm night’ idea but no one minded. Baekhyun was having the time of his life and Chanyeol was beyond happy to see Baekhyun having such a great time.

When they were all sprawled out around the living room talking and telling stories, Junmyeon perked up. “Oh, guys! I forgot to tell you. My parents said I can take some friends to our summer villa, it’s a few hours away at the beach. It’s a really beautiful place and pretty secluded so we can do what we want. I thought we could all go down together for a weekend towards the end of summer. What do you all think?” He was met by a loud chorus of cheers. “I’ll take that as a yes then!”

“Celebratory shots!” Jongin shouted as he got up and ran to the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of vodka then running off to get the shot glasses. They all groaned but knew it would be fun so they let him have his moment.

“Ooooh, I know what we should do!” Minseok shouted after they all downed the shots and were still recovering from the burning in their throats. “Let’s play never have I ever!” The groaning began again but they all agreed and before they knew it they were all totally wasted.

“Who knew we’re all a bunch of sluts hey,” Yixing giggled as he slurred his words. “I would say it’s time for spin the bottle or something but we got way too many couples in here. It’ll end up causing a fight.”

“I think I’m too fucked to play anything, I can’t even stand up right now, how am I supposed to successfully find someone’s lips with my own?!” Junmyeon was lying behind one of the couches, not even trying to move.

Chanyeol looked over to the couch as if he could see Junmyeon through it which sent Baekhyun into a fit of giggles. “Maybe it’s time for us all to find a place to pass out. I wanna be able to make it to my bed at least. I’m not falling asleep somewhere random when it’s my first official night here.” He tried to stand up and swiftly fell back down onto the couch.

It was Chanyeol’s turn to laugh. “Can you even make it to the bed Baek?”

“Apparently not.” He huffed.

“Come on, let’s help each other get there, if we can.” He looked around to see basically everyone was already passing out where they sat, except Kris and Tao who were now furiously making out in the corner.

Baekhyun, not so subtly, turned to Chanyeol. “I knew it from the moment they walked in.”

“I know right! Let’s leave them to it before we disturb them.”

“You’re not even being slightly quiet you two.” Kris looked up at them with a smirk across his lips, “get some sleep you idiots.”

Baekhyun scowled at Kris as Chanyeol laughed. They stumbled their way into their bedroom, it was a struggle but they made it. “I’m so happy I sold my bed, there was no way I was moving here permanently and not sleeping in this glorious bed every night.”

“Poor thing had only been slept in like ten times I bet, let’s hope his new owner treats him well.”

It didn’t take long for the pair to fall asleep, halfway through their sentences.

The next morning was full of headaches, coffee, comfort food and the complaining of ten people. As the hours passed, they slowly left, going to their own homes, leaving Chanyeol and Baekhyun alone in their apartment.

“I feel like shit Chan, let’s cuddle up on the sofa with a blanket and watch movies till we sleep.”

“That sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard right now.”

It took about 20 minutes of cartoon characters running around the screen until they were both fast asleep. Chanyeol awoke first, watching the credits roll across the screen. He smiled and looked down at Baekhyun who fell asleep lying on his chest. Deciding to cook them both a delicious dinner, he slowly slid out from under Baekhyun, careful not to wake him. He tucked him in with the blankets before heading into the kitchen. He loved cooking and he knew Baekhyun loved his cooking so he especially loved cooking with it was for Baekhyun.

As he got lost in the process of cooking, he thought about the summer ahead. They had made a few plans already, going to some places they both wanted to visit, the usual stuff like theme parks. Chanyeol knew he was going to visit his parents in two weeks time and he assumed Baekhyun would have nowhere to go since parents were a touchy subject. He thought about asking Baekhyun if he wanted to join him at his parents’ house, so he wasn’t left here alone. He knew Baekhyun hated being alone for long periods of time. But he wasn’t sure if Baekhyun would come, he knew the other would feel like he’s imposing even though Chanyeol knew his parents would welcome his friend with open arms.

The evening flew by and Chanyeol decided to just ask Baekhyun. What’s the worst that could happen anyway? He’ll either say yes or no. Why am I so worried? He coughed slightly to bring Baekhyun out of the trance he was in staring at the tv, Baekhyun turned and looked at him. “What’s up?”

“Well, um, I’m going to visit my parents the weekend after next and I figured you would have nowhere to go. I don’t want you to be left here alone for a whole weekend so I guess I wanted to invite you to come with me, if you want to, of course.” He felt so awkward asking but he didn’t know why, he was just asking a friend to come stay with him after all.

“Are you sure? I won’t be imposing or anything? It’s your parents’ house after all, surely they’ll just want to catch up with you alone without some friend in the way?”

“Definitely not, they love meeting my friends, my friends and I used to hang out there all the time when I was younger. They’re pretty awesome so you should come.”

Baekhyun looked like he wasn’t convinced but he said yes anyway, “I guess I just don’t get the whole cool, interested parents thing.” He sighed.

Chanyeol was concerned, he wanted to ask but Baekhyun had always avoided the topic before. His questions were answered however when Baekhyun started to talk. “It’s nothing special, it’s pretty cliché really. My mum passed away when I was 10 and my dad hates my guts. She was so wonderful, she truly was but she got sick and it took her away from me. Things were always rocky with my dad after that, we were never as close anyway but without my mum it was like there was nothing between us. Then of course Sehun happened and my dad blew his casket, he never said anything homophobic, he tried to cover it with the whole ‘you’re too young for relationship, you need to study’ shit but it was so obvious he just didn’t want me with a guy. I mean, fair enough of him for not making it obvious he was a homophobe and making me feel shit about that I guess. So Sehun and I got the apartment as soon as we finished high school, I wanted out of that house and he wanted out of his. I basically haven’t spoken to my dad since, he was so fucking angry when I left to live with my boyfriend, the way he said the word boyfriend was always like he was eating shit or something.

“But I don’t need him, I think I’ve done well at showing that and it’s okay anyway, he doesn’t have to like my life. I wish he did, but as I said, we were never close anyway. I just miss my mum, I barely have anything to remind me of her now since it’s all in that house. I only have that ring and a few photos. She’s in my memory though, I think about her every day and I always remember that she would have loved and supported me through all this. She would never have turned her back on me for loving someone or for wanting to live my life my way. I’m not sad about my dad though, I might be bitter about it sometimes, but I don’t really care that much really.”

Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun in for a hug, he felt like this was one of those moments where he didn’t need to say anything. Where they could comfortably sit in silence and think about things. He could tell Baekhyun hadn't spoke about this for a long time and he wanted to give him the chance to think about things after saying them out loud. Baekhyun may have said he wasn’t sad about it all but Chanyeol could feel the sadness and loss in the other’s voice.


	27. Chapter 25.

“Chanyeol, I don’t know if I can do this!” Baekhyun’s exasperated voice came from the bedroom. Sighing with a smile, Chanyeol got up from the couch and walked to the bedroom. Leaning against the doorframe, he observed the smaller running around the room, packing things for the weekend ahead, looking extremely stressed.

 

“Baekhyun. Baek, take a minute. Sit down and breathe. You’ll never calm down if you keep running around like that. It’s just two nights, it will be okay, right? They’re really friendly and chill. They don’t judge and they’re not gonna get all in your face. I know you’re worried and I’m not going to make you feel bad for that but you just need to try to calm down for a minute. I’ll be with you the whole time, I just thought you wouldn’t want to be left here alone.”

 

Baekhyun let out a shaky breath, “Yeah, I know Chan. I’ll be okay, I just can’t help worrying, you know? I think Jongdae’s parents are the only ones I’ve ever met in my whole life that have just been nice and okay with me. Other than my mum, of course.” He stood up and looked at the mess he caused. “Right, let’s do this. I’m sure you’re eager to get going and see your parents.”

 

Chanyeol grinned, “I can’t wait. I haven’t seen my mum since spring and I haven’t seen my dad since Christmas since he was away for work when I visited last. My sister will probably visit too, with her husband most likely.”

 

It took around 3 hours on the bus to get to Chanyeol’s childhood home. It was a beautiful area, all the streets were lined with avenues of trees and the front gardens were all immaculate but homey, lots of flowers and trees. Baekhyun noticed how completely different it was to the world he grew up in, it may have been just as affluent around here, but it looked much more lived in, much more loved. He was walking next to Chanyeol, staring in awe at all the beautiful gardens. He decided the one coming up was the most beautiful he’d seen so far, there was a variety of trees lining the right side of the garden and house. Beautiful, bright flowers lined either side of the drive and around the grass. At the left side of the grass, in the corner where the front garden connected to the back, there was a pond. The pond was shaded with trees, it was a natural pond and plants were growing freely in and around. It looked truly magical. Baekhyun gasped as he noticed hidden in the trees was a bench, it was made of natural logs and almost looked like it was just part of the trees around it. It was most stunning garden Baekhyun had ever seen and he longed to see how the back must look.

 

He didn’t notice Chanyeol stop walking until he felt his arm being tugged. He turned in confusion. “We’re here Baek,” Chanyeol chuckled, “what are you all in a daze about?”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes grew wide as he looked up at Chanyeol. “This, this is your house?” Chanyeol gave a tentative nod. “Oh my god. The one house that truly caught my eye on this street, the one house that my heart longed to explore, the one house that took my breath away and it’s yours.” He started laughing loudly. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. Of course it’s where you grew up, how could someone so perfect come from anywhere else?”

 

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun comically, “what on earth are you rambling about? Well anyway, come on. You can explore that house all you want but first, I want to see my dog and eat some good food!” He grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and pulled him onto the driveway and up to the front door.

 

He put his finger to his lips, urging Baekhyun to be quiet as he silently opened the front door and crept in. Baekhyun felt incredibly nervous but he played along, he closed the front door silently behind him, leaving his bags there and shuffled after Chanyeol. Just as he was turning to corner into the room Chanyeol had walked into, he heard a shout.

 

“GUESS WHO?”

 

“AH! FOR GOD SAKE CHANYEOL!”

 

Baekhyun froze because the voice sounded angry and for an instant he contemplated creeping right back out the door and going back to the warm, cosy apartment where he felt safest. But then he heard laughter, a truly happy laughter. A mother’s laughter. His heart jumped in his chest. Such a familiar yet unfamiliar noise in his mind. He smiled to himself, realising how happy he was to hear such a sound again. All his worries left as he knew that laughter belonged in this home. _How could I, for even a moment, have thought that the people who live here would be any less than Chanyeol told me? Such a beautiful home is not made by cruel minds and such an amazing person is not raised by anger and sadness._

 

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol’s voiced snapped him out of his internal monologue and he tentatively stepped forward into the room. He instantly felt shyer than he ever had before, he blushed and looked at his feet instead of at the people in the room. Chanyeol commenced his signature breathy laughed as he walked over to the smaller. “Mum, this is Baekhyun. My best friend and roommate. Baekhyun, this is my mum, my other best friend and ex roommate.” He grinned at his own humour.

 

Baekhyun looked up shyly through his eyelashes at the woman in front of him. “Ah, it’s um, it’s nice to meet you Mrs Park. Thank you for letting me stay.” He finally met eyes with her and saw nothing but warmth and welcome. She had a kind smile that reached up to her sparkly eyes. He could see so much of Chanyeol in her face. Not just in her features, but he could already tell where Chanyeol’s pure and empathetic personality came from.

 

“Baekhyun dear, it’s lovely to finally meet you. Chanyeol has told me so much about you that I had to put a face to the name someday. You are always welcome here, anyone who can put such a smile on my boy’s face will never be turned away.” She walked over and gave him a gentle hug. She squeezed a little before pulling away. “I hope you don’t have Chanyeol’s sneaky side though. He almost gave me a heart attack just now! I don’t know why the damn boy can’t just announce when he’s back instead of terrifying me every time.” She shook her head and chuckled, much like the chuckle he heard so often from Chanyeol. He smiled back at her and looked up at Chanyeol when he heard the other moving.

 

“The garden right, Mum?” Chanyeol asked with a grin.

 

A beautiful smile returned that grin, “yes dear.”

 

Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s hand, “come on, there’s someone you need to meet!” With Chanyeol’s excitement, Baekhyun felt a smile creep up his face. He didn’t know who he was going to meet in the garden, although judging from the other’s earlier words, he had an idea. Chanyeol dragged him through the patio doors into the back garden, which did not disappoint.

 

Baekhyun stopped dead as he felt Chanyeol’s hand drop his, he felt the other’s presence leave but he didn’t turn to look. He was too mesmerised by the garden in front of him. Flower beds lined the walls around the house, full of every colour he could imagine. Right in front of the doors lay a good sized patio with a beautiful cast iron table and chairs, next to them was a barbeque and a stone bar for serving food. The patio led onto the lawn, he felt like he’d never seen grass so green but he knew it was just his heart romanticising nature, as it always does. In one back corner, stood a big, wooden swing set, slide and monkey bars included. He could already picture Chanyeol playing on it as a kid with his long, awkward limbs. The other back corner was half hidden by a small grove of trees, he could see some of them were apple trees and he was itching to take a big, juicy bite. He could just about see a big circular swing sitting amongst the trees and was already imagining himself sitting there, reading a book and snacking on fruit on a warm summer’s evening.

 

He was snapped out of his daydream by the sound of Chanyeol’s laughter. “Calm down boy, I’m not leaving right now!” He turned around to see Chanyeol rolling around on the floor with a small, black dog, pure joy lighting up his face. Chanyeol looked over at Baekhyun’s curious eyes. “Baek, this is Toben, my dog. Toben, this is Baekhyun, my best friend. I hope you can get along well.”

 

Baekhyun walked over and held his hand out, he knew he was expected to play along with Chanyeol’s game. Toben walked over to sniff his hand. “Hello Toben, it’s an honour to meet you at long last. How do you do?” Toben gave a little yip and started jumping up at Baekyun excitedly. Baekhyun sat down and gave the small dog the royal treatment, belly rubs and back scratches included. “He’s a lovely dog Chanyeol.”

 

“Isn’t he just? He gets a little over excited whenever he sees me these days since it’s always a few months between, but it just makes me love him that much more.” They shared a smile and lay back on the grass, chatting away and watching the clouds pass by.

 

“Chanyeol, your sister and Seojoon are here, why don’t you both come in and say hi?” The two were dragged out of their own world by the sound of Chanyeol’s mum shouting.

 

Chanyeol laughed, “oh right, I honestly forgot we were going to have to do socialising. I’m so used to it being just the two of us most of the time.”

 

“Yeah, more new people.” Baekhyun started chewing on his bottom lip. Of course, that small movement didn’t go unnoticed by the other.

 

“My sister’s lovely, don’t worry. You were so nervous about meeting my mum and that was fine, wasn’t it? And of course Seojoon is a good guy. Do you think I’d let just any old chump marry my sister? Ha, only the finest man for her.” Baekhyun’s chuckled proved that his work was done and they headed off into the house.

 

 


End file.
